Random angry thoughts are getting me through today

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Random angry thoughts are getting me through today
3
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 6:22pm

I started to make a list of all the idiotic, callous, mean spirited, self centered things he said and did over the years.  It's helping me put a different spin on this.  I mean, he lied about dating the woman that became his second wife for YEARS to me and I  always knew it was a lie.  He sent me a flippin text message to let me know he had married her.  What kind of heartless person does that?! And then when wife #2 found out about us through phone records, etc. he had the nerve to ask me to cover for him.  Which I did!  I know he would never have done that for me. 

He acted like a child so many times, just throwing temper tantrums and then never once in all the years we were together did he ever apologize.  Just told me to get over it.  He belittled me to make himself feel better.  Always told me he could find better than me. I was nothing special.  He didn't care about me. 

He demanded my full attention at all times and never gave me the same.  He would say or write whatever he wanted to get his way, no matter how hurtful it was to me.  I DO MATTER! (That's one that really hurt, when he said I never mattered to him)

And yelling at me when I would cry?  That's just plain mean. 

So, I'm on the angry side right now.  Probably not the best in the long run but it's working for today.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 8:54pm

I'm so glad you are still around.  And hang on to that anger for a while if it does the trick of knocking off those rose-colored glasses and has you seeing things more clearly.

You can't hold on to for too long, of course...so that it just eats away at you.  And we have to remember that we invited that type of behavior towards us into our lives by stepping into the no trespassing zone.

I think we when start to see misbehavior towards us, it is because we are starting to gain back our sense of self love which was totally lost...because when we love ourselves, we don't place ourselves in harms way...and simply don't/won't participate with anyone who would ask us to do so.

Now, along with your list of all the negatives...how about starting a list of all the positives of being out of the affair.  I remember hearing that when we are working our way out of an addiction, listing out the positives of being out has a more positive effect.  But keep that negative list handy, too if you start to forget.

Keep working it out and posting.

((hugs))

Clarity