rare situation...need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
rare situation...need help!
14
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 4:15am
Hi! this is my first post but i have been lurking on and off throughout my 3 year affair. Our afffair began 3 years ago when we were both married. It was very intense and became a PA very quickly. My xap became very clingy, jealous and possesive. altho he continued to stay married, my H and i divorced ( he was unfaithful). Throughout the A ..xap's W caught us 4 times and each time we both denied a PA. As time went on, i ws desperate to be out of this situation, i even relocated to another state this spring, but the hold he had on me only became tighter. He assured me that it was time to leave his W and for me to prepare to move back home so we could be together. I had attempted NC several times and he pursued me to no avail:(
"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 11:03am

Hi Sinking


Welcome to EAS and I am glad you decided to post after lurking so long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 11:27am

hello there,

I am sorry about how things turned out with your x-ap. do not worry too much about what he thinks of you right now. the only way he can get over u if he thinks of you as the worst person ever. but believe me with time he will realize who you really are.

my x-ap did the same and it killed me, of course now i could care less of what he thinks of me. but at the time i kept wanting to talk to him to change his opinion of me, which i regret doing tremendously. i should have just said bye when he ended it and moved on, but like u he had a hold on me. our A lasted six years and it was hard for me to accept he wanted to end the A. it is a lesson i learned and now i am a lot happier with out the stupid A. i m very thankful for that.
try to be rational, who cares what he thinks of u. the world is not going to end if he thinks you are worst person on earth which u are not. he wants to think u are, deep inside he knows u are not what he is trying to make u to be. keep your head up and do not give in to his guilt-trip games

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 12:14pm

Its true that

"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 2:00pm

hi again :)

my A lasted six years, i managed to move on after a year from the day he ended it. he was single it was a mess i m not saying i was fair to him (me being married and him being single) but the way he chose to end it was mean. but i guess that was his way of getting out, some time we do anything to get out of a bad situation. i finally was able to forgive him and move on not sure how and why but something finally clicked in my head and started thinking of the situation from a perspective of a third person. looking from the outside at the picture of my A made me feel happy things ended the way they did. he finally had the courage to end something horrible and i respect him for that now. like i said i do not care what he thinks of me now, he means nothing to me i did something with him i m ashamed of now. and i m sure he moved on now and i m sure he is ashamed of the whole thing too.

just give it time and try to be strong with a help of a friend or a relative. i had to tell my mom because i was so desperate for someone to talk to. and i m very thankful to have her as a mother and as a friend she listened and listened for months. but finally i was able to move on and now i hardly think of him, i wish him the best i wish things ended up differently i wish i was more rational b ack then. he wanted to stay as friend i could not at the time, now i regret it or maybe i do not there are plenty of people oout there who i can be friends with. no need to keep in touch i wish i never met him anyway but it was a lesson i had to learn :))

think of something positive in your life, think of a goal that u want to accomplish and focus on which means a lot to u and u would be devastated if u lose it.

hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 8:02pm

Sinking,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 9:43pm

thanks for your insight ladies:) I feel braver already even tho today i must have got 200 texts degrading me to a level i never knew existed:( .I responded only to tell him that he needs to get help and to leave me alone. I will be changing my number tomorrow again and hope that does the trick. i deleted my facebook account and my email account. The problem is we went to such great lengths to communicate and we discoverd so many ways to override all the phone records, blocked numbers,

"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 10:13pm
sinking , Your exap is a sicko. You did nothing wrong by going out and trying to get on with your life with your friends. He has major problems and you r so lucky to be rid of him. Do not worry what he thinks he is the one who is way dysfunctional. my exap was jealous and possessive too. He is my husband's sister's husband, my brother in law. And he told me if I ever got pregnant by my husband he would disown me, he looked through all my cabinets drawers, stares at me all creepy. I mistook his jealousy for love or that he liked me so much when the truth was there is just something wrong with him inside. Its okay that this guy affects you, mine still affects me too but I know with NC it won't be that way forever. Go NC and then you will see more clearly what. a weirdo he is and you will be more concerned with that than how he views you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 12:58pm

Okay Sinking, why do you think you care so much about what he thinks about you?


You place value of what he thinks of you........WHY?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 5:26pm

Hi S,


I couldn’t agree more with the advice Cando has given you.


<<I responded only to tell him that he needs to get help and to leave me alone.>> STOP responding. If you don’t respond, he won’t know if any of the 200 text messages made it through or not.


You can get a track phone/those pay as you go phones. The only way he could get that number is if you give it to him. Only give out your number to selected people and make it clear that you do not want it given out to anyone without your permission. You may consider asking a family member to add you

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 2:31pm

The texting has stopped..and i have been reading and reading here ..and for the first time in soo long i feel a sense of hope.

"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone

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