Rattled by fishing attempt :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Rattled by fishing attempt :(
9
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 11:30am

Ugh, well, in a fishing attempt this morning my exAP emailed me a picture of himself when he was younger, in high school or college. It was kind of a running thing with us that he had never "let me" see pictures of him from his past (just one of the many ways he kept a great divide between us). So I opened the email (it was to my work email, and we are coworkers) to see the picture, and it has left me very rattled, very upset. Obviously seeing the picture, something I had always wanted to see, was meant to make me feel tender toward him...and it worked, you know? I just want to hold him, though I know I can't. I want to cry so much, I wish I'd never seen it, and I'm angry at him for sending it to play my heartstrings even more than he already has :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 11:40am

...and the waterworks have begun. Wonderful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 11:46am

That is SO MANIPULATIVE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 11:49am

Hey there Beautiful,

I had a fishing attempt yesterday too. That good ole Private number call I've been getting weekly for 4 & a half months.

As early as you are out...OF COURSE youre going to cry.

What NC is going to give you after some time has gone by, is the CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW BIG WALL OF PROTECTION.

So, this early...Instead of ROMANTICIZING which keeps us on the WRONG side of the wall....You've got to lay a block down.

Sometimes, all the energy you can muster is just wrapped in forming the ONE block and placing it.

When you begin to have the thoughts....

"he still wants me"

"he needs me"

"this proves he cares"

"i want to hold him"

etc...

say STOP! go back to YOURSELF.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 1:43pm
Do not respond to that email. Seriously, Silver. That is what he is counting on and you need to stand firm in NOT acknowledging it.

"Silence is eloquent, Silence is dignified, Silence is heard.

Try to stay angry at him until the new hurt he just caused weakens. It was a very manipulative move on his part.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 2:36pm

Well, that just sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 2:49pm
newlife
Awesome post that couldn't of come at a better time for me to read it.

silverdoe we are in the boat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 5:44pm

Sunrise, you nailed it with "manipulative." My exAP is the king of passive-aggressiveness and sneaky manipulation. For years I played right into it. Till now anyway. It's probably killing him that it's not working anymore!

I'm so thankful that you reminded me that it isn't an act of love, but a selfish attempt to get what he wants--my attention, my affection. It's like a cold shower hearing that sometimes, but it is precisely what I needed to hear. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 5:57pm

Oh, Michelle, my belle. I'm sure you get that a LOT, huh?

I can't tell you how much your note meant to me. Such powerful words, right when I needed them. Thanks to you and everyone on this board, I managed to get through exAP's pathetic fishing attempt without caving. Right now, I feel less sadness and more rage. Maybe that's not the healthiest either. But I am not sitting here starry-eyed, walking down memory lane, letting his lies infect me.

I'm going to remember your words and repeat them to myself next time this happens (cause you know it will). Something that really stuck out: Your words about JAM not having our best interests at heart. That's the thing that really angers me right now. I have been so clear through NC that I want nothing to do with him. And he continues to fish, despite my desires.

For HIM. I have been here to serve HIM.

And you're right. It's always, "just one phone call, just talk to me!" But they never say anything, do they? It's 100% pointless. I see that now.

Thanks everybody :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 6:07pm
Hey we need a high five