RE: upsidedown's ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
RE: upsidedown's ?
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 3:47pm

USD,
I read your excellent question but didn't have time to read through all the responses. Your timing is a coincidence because I just addressed this issue with XOM on Friday.

I know, I know....I haven't been so good about the NC thing but I never make the initiative and half the time I don't return calls or emails. (Also, when I talk to him it only serves to reinforce the fact that the end of the A was the very best thing for me).

I have been really wondering about it so I decided to ask him how he was feeling during the almost 3 months of NC, and even now that it's really over. I told him that this whole thing has been extremely difficult on me and it seems like it's just no big deal to him.

His response: Well, I guess half of me was thinking that it would blow over and it wouldn't really end. The other half knew that it couldn't go on forever anyway (went on for 6 yrs.) and it had to end sometime, so if this was the time....then so be it.

My response: So it was like, "ok whatever" to you. As far as our relationship went, you could take it or leave it?

His response: Not really but since I've always known we had no future together, I have not allowed myself to get too emotionally attached so maybe it was easier for me than for you.

He also did say that he went through a period of time where he was very angry and resentful with me for accusing him of verbal abuse. He felt since he didn't actually call me any names, there was nothing wrong with the things he said to me.

Anyway, I did appreciate his honesty. I'm not sure if the differences in feelings while getting over an A is simply a matter of a male/female thing i.e. females are mostly in A for emotional reasons and males more for physical reasons. Or if it is a manifestation of the person's character. Maybe a little of both? Either way, it was very enlightening.

CG