reached stage 4 of A...with a question
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| Tue, 05-31-2005 - 10:54am |
well, i finally faced the realization my A is over. we have remained social friends but the friendship we once had is not there.
i realized i entered the A because he gave me the attention i was not getting with DH. I also got a high from the A that only the A could bring..and i liked it.
however, the rollorcoaster ride was VERY LONG & PAINFULL.
i have felt hurt from being used, from hearing from him what we did meant nothing and from being betrayed by someone i though was my friend.
i live now day by day. things with DH are still not well. i have stayed because i know that is what is best for the kids. DH is a good father and friend, but i have not been able to fall in love with him again physically.
when we make love i dont want to engage in any foreplay...i just want to get it done with.
i dont like it when he tries to touch me...usually i push him away..
my question to you all is...WILL THAT EVER CHANGE? WILL I EVER GET BACK THE LOVING FEELING FOR DH?
thanks for listening
upsidedown

Gee girls, I spend alot of time pondering this myself. I ADORE my DH, he's a wonderful man and a great father. He gives his family everything he has. And he aint' any too shabby either, let me tell you. He's great looking and works out alot. He's got loaded guns, if you know what I mean. BUT I have difficulty being sexually attracted to him sometimes.
My T tells me that there are quite a few reasons for this. 1) we're parents together, and I've never looked at "parents" as sexual people. 2) it's the one area where I apparently withhold intimacy because I have intimacy issues. We're the best of friends and are emotionally very intimate, but physical is more difficult for me. 3) we've had sexual issues in our past; i.e. very different libidos, experimentation, etc.
My T tells me that the earth-shaking feelings like you want to do it every day all day (and I did feel this with my DH for like the first 5 years of our relationship) only goes on so long. For most couples, it doesn't remain for the entire marriage.
Is there any hope in this? I'm not sure. I guess my response is that it might be "normal" depending on how long you've been married. The sparks just stop flying after a few/lot of years. I've accepted that sex won't be with my DH after 20 years together the way it was with XMM when it wasn't available all the time and we were only involved for about 2 years.
Sometimes it hurts, though, that I don't feel that same level of excitement with DH. But I always try to remember that during every other activity, HE'S the only one I want to be with and many of those other activities are so much more important. Love, Mo.