Reaching Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Reaching Out
7
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 3:30pm

I used to post on this board for a while last year, then moved over to MAS.


I am 11 days NC. Total NC for the first time in 2 years. xAP is a coworker. He is away right now and i decided to grab the opportunity to go NC and end the A. All has been going very well with that..I have been feeling the chokehold of the A letting go..Things have been way better between H and I.. But today..i am feeling weak. I find myself thinking of him and missing him.


I want to get through this without getting sentimental..

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 4:16pm

Waiting!!!!


(((Hugs))) Welcome back! Congrats. on the 11 days NC!


You know the drill by now. We all miss them in the beginning. Only time and LC for you will heal that. There is no quick fix. You have to work through the pain.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:06pm

W4TS,


Welcome back. 11 days NC is something to be proud of. As E1 has already mentioned, you know the drill. Read here for strength, review the HL every day, especially when you are feeling weak like today. Every gal on this board had dealt with those weak moments, and you should know by now the trick is to change your thinking, get busy doing something else, and just let your emotions wash over you and down the drain.


I hope you will be with us this time....for a very long time.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 9:40am

Thank you for the welcome. Once he is back from his

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 11:29am

Hi Sunshine,


It’s good that you have a total of four weeks to gain some clarity. I noticed there were a lot of “I” in your post and that is good to see. You talk about how you feel and what you did and are going to do. All very positive signs!


<>


Hopefully he will respect that you are done. However, once some time has passed and he gets over his own sulking in his pity party be ready for any fishing attempts. Also be prepared for him acting like everything is fine for a while and being happy and bragging about his life. It can go either way. I know you already know this as you have been through a lot.


<>


The reality of RL does knock the pretty off the A. I��m glad you are not as vulnerable and it will help in your resolve. However, keep those rules of LC firm to set your boundaries. He is not use to you respecting yourself enough to set boundaries and will likely attempt to cross them at some point.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 3:53pm

E1 - i hate when i get this way. The way that i am feeling RIGHT NOW. All kinds of questions running through my head. What if this, what if that. This is just ridiculous. there is no WHAT IF!


I dont like my mind to slip!! Don't slip!!! I've been doing so good up until yesterday. SO good. No regrets (about ending), no bad feelings, nothing. and now it's all overwhelming me.


Praying for clarity and peace tonight..

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:34pm

These low moments, as much as they suck, really are fleeting. This is when you weather the storm. We have all been where you are- the fresh raw pain of going NC... but take it from those of us who have weathered the storm, it passes. Through this journey, you will learn patience. You will learn to hush that inner voice that questions, questions, questions. It is all a part of the process. But if you stay here, keep posting, and keep reading, you will soon be one of the vets, doling out advice and insight to the newbies who will come after you. I am glad you are here. Stay strong. You can do this.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 9:26pm

Ok so it sounds like maybe there were some clouds in the forecast today. Maybe some of the hot air from xAP’s former puffed up words will blow the skies clear tomorrow ;)


Those good ol’ what if’s and that stubborn part of our brain that wants to hold on and not let go.


Do you play cards Sunshine? Hubby and I are big card players and we use to play with a couple back in the day. When it was her hubby’s time to bid, he would always say, “Oh…if I only had that one card I could bid in that suit and I could take the game.” His W would always reply, “If, if, if…what if the cow did not stop to take a sh!@, then we would all be drinking chocolate milk. You don’t have the card so bid the hand you have and not the hand you wish you had.”


So Sunshine plan your life based on reality and the cards that you are actually holding in your hand. That is what you can see and know is real because that is

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.