As most of you know I thought the A ended on Sept 8 but as many of you pointed out the only thing that ended was the physical contact. The A came to a complete end on Nov 15th. Since then we have had NC except for the 2 days we were at work together, that I kept extremely business like. Working with xap is the most excruciating thing for your heart and mind, I survived though and will continue too. I miss being the "special one" that knows all about what's going on his life before he shares it with the greater team, as he had been on annual leave I only knew up to the 15th what he had been up to, what really hurt was him sharing holiday pics with my work mates and excluding me..so hard! BUT I know this had to happen and it's the best thing for both of us. So I am hanging in there and really looking forward to becoming a tweener, my new goal in life!!! So to everyone enduring LC...it's HARD, it SUCKS, every minute spent at work is a reminder of the A, unfortunately I still can't look back at the A and see it as anything but a wonderful encounter with a person who I connect with more than anyone else I have ever met. Hopefully in time the "fog" will clear but for now I am taking it one day at a time!!
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
Hi Lily
I know all about the pain of LC because of a work situation. I didn't feel it "really" ended until I left the job I was in. I got by and survived, but it was just too painful to work under the same roof as my xAP. I last exactly 10 months after my 3 year long A with my older colleague.
Thankfully - I haven't been so foggy, I don't believe in any way shape of form that this man was good for me. It was bad news from the word go - despite having some fun times - the whole A thing broke me, mentally and physically.
Just being at work, made me feel like some sort of stalker. I mean when you break up with someone, at least you don't have to see them everyday. but with LC - its like some sort of torture turning up to work everyday. I played the avoidance card - big time - I did everything I could to keep a low profile, calculating every step so I would never be in the same place at the same time as him. I managed to only see him a handful of times in the 10 months LC - compared with several times a day during our A. - so it can be done.
But... heres the question - is it worth it? Can you imaging doing this the rest of your work career? I could not. I could not see myself ever being able to be myself in a work place where he was. I felt dirty, and cheep and worthless after doing the things I did with my xAP. I felt everyone knew - even though they didn't. I hated hiding, but the thought of pretending nothing happened was even worse. I just couldn't face him. So I set a goal for myself - I had to find a new job by september... and I went after it like nothing before - if you just put the amount of energy in your goals as you did into your A, then I believe anything is possible. I found a new job in September, and started my new job in October. I can't say I have never looked back, because in the last day in September was my "real Ending" it was finally over and it was really hard, I fell down a deep hole again, and I started missing him and thinking way too much about him. Anyway here I am, nearly 1 year out of my A, 2 month into NC, and I feel like I did the right thing for everyone. Me, and my xAP. I do not know what hes doing, or what hes thinking or where he is - I never will, I have deleted my e-mail, and changed my phone number, I closed every door I could think of, and while I know that little sh*t will always be in my heart, he is out of my life for good and that actually feel good! I feel like I am turning into a real person, with a real life.
I'm an not trying to say you need to find a new job - but I do suggest you think about it.
WGO