real life

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
real life
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 4:22pm

How do you find your way back? It's been 7 plus years honestly i don't really remember what life was before, my kids were babies now they are 7 and 10. Seven years my every day has consisted of him, every moment how sad.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 8:16pm

Maybe we are not meant to find our way back, but find our way forward anew?  I'm sixt...err 37 years old...and I look back at different people in my life, with whom I spent oodles and boodles of time with, and for whatever reason, they were no longer in my life.  That made room for new people, places and things...and off I went into another direction and my life would be full once again.

I know that I mentioned to you before about becoming involved with new projects/activities...and I guess that'll work slowly distance yourself from socializing with xAP and wife, but also will open up the door to new experiences and new opportunities.  

Get a little proactive and get moving in a new direction.  Just one new thing can lead to another...and to another...and to another...



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 5:27am

Hi Happy! I'm not very good at remembering quotes, but there's a couple of things that I remind myself of when I start to reminisce about the past ... one is that those times in the past for me with xAP did not bring me happiness, and I am in charge of creating my own happiness now here in the present. The other is that life is only understood backwards but must be lived forwards, and so we learn from our past and use what we have learned to move forwards.

Your children are just little Happy, and I know myself that for the 2 years I was involved in my A I was absent from my children's lives, which is tragic. And now that I am free from all that trauma and am re-engaged with real life, I am fully present in my children's lives and their development into men, they are changing almost daily, physically and emotionally, and I am with them, not hiding in the toilet texting xAP or telling them to stop pestering me because I'm daydreaming about my "fantasy life", I am asking them about their day, enjoying their company.

Real life is to be embraced, cherished and appreciated, as are all the people in it.

Big hugs to you and much love, Soglad x o x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 11:29am


You are struggling with what so many do after the A ends. So many of us wrapped our days around xAP and checked out of many other Rs in our daily lives. Ending the A does not mean we can all just plug bac into our Rs with no wobblies.

As others have mentioned, the exciting news is it does not have to be the same. What type of R do you want to have with your kids? What is your passion? What healthy outlets would you like to pursue? You get to decide that Happy. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. Scary because it is uncertain yet exciting because you have a say in it. Embrace what you are feeling and know that many others have felt the same.  

Try taking on something small like planning to do something with your kids. What can you plan to do with them that you weren’t fully present to do when you were in the A? It could be something simple like reading to them (or them reading to you). Maybe a project? Watching a movie with them and really focusing on them and the movie (not dwelling on xAP)?

If you can do some small things that make new memories, I hope it will encourage you to see the possibilities and the bigger picture.



Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.