Real life equals commitment...affairs equal detriment
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Real life equals commitment...affairs equal detriment
| Sat, 11-06-2010 - 7:42pm |
So...as I lay here in bed, this came to my mind so I thought I would post it here. I've been in bed ALL day...yep, I caught a nasty cold that hit me hard last night! Good thing I didn't do something wild and crazy on my 40th b-day!!
Okay...so like many of you newbies out there, I, too, am in my sucky "bargaining" phase. I hate every minute of it. So, I try to distract my cluttered and somewhat still-foggy mindset that got me sucked into the dam* A world to begin with and I start processing...when I think "oh, I miss him", I turn that into "you missed something that HE never could truly give you." now I am thinking, "what is that? What am I missing here?" Void that needs to be addressed. Apart from xAP!! Also, I get that crappy feeling of "oh, I think I am okay now, so maybe I can just handle being his friend." STOP. Again, I process this one with "what kind of a friend takes you and turns you into a sex toy?" NO friend. NOT friendly and NOT respectful. I then look at my real life friends...I was so happy this morning when the FTD van pulled up into the driveway with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from a dear friend of mine for my birthday! That is a friend. Friends do things for each other that build each other up, not tear each other down.
Now the marriage part of RL...that is work. And it is commitment. If you ask anyone over on MAS "are you committed to your A?" hmmm...that would be interesting. A's are escape. And they bring detriment. Destruction. Despair. Hey - I think I got something there!! The 3 D's of an A...oops, and the final D is the dreaded D-day. Yep. Lots of D's. Nothing happy about that. And - here is another "food for thought" from a sick 40-year old newbie...A's begin with a D. DECEIT.
Sooooo....in thinking about my own marriage, yes DH and I have alot to work on. I did talk to him gently last night about my "needs" in our intimate time together. He said he was sorry for not being more sensitive to me. My DH is a good man. He cares for me and wants to build me up, not tear me down. Sometimes (many times!! Haha) he is just clueless...a common trait for men, hey?
So, there ya have it. my thoughts for the evening. I have to go rest up now. Can't afford to be sick for long! :)
Hearts <3

Glad you got to talk to H. That takes a huge weight of the shoulders. I know it doesn't fix everything and it's not the last time you'll have that talk. Men are clueless sometimes!
As always, take care of you!
Chechi
Hearts:
Hi Hearts,
Hope you feel better soon, what a nice surprise to receive flowers especially when your sick:)
Wow, Hearts!! What an awesome post. What great insight. I LOVE the whole D attributions--so true on every one of them.
I am so happy for you. This is a great turning point for you. This is how it works in the healing process. One light bulb moment at a time. Isn't it wonderful that once you are over the raw pain that you start to have these revelations? And the little revelations cause us to think even more and look even deeper into ourselves. This is how it works!!
The bargaining stage SUCKS. Ugh. I still have a wee bit of that going on, too, but I'm way past any danger of actually acting on a "bargaining" thought. I will admit that he is still sometimes the first thing I think of when I wake up (like this morning) but I spend about 10 seconds thinking about
(((Heart)))
I am so sorry you are under the weather. Please take good care of yourself and let your family dote on you a little. You need all of the TLC you can get right now.
I enjoyed reading your post. As Alwayst pointed out, you have had some revelations, and this is what your journey is going to be all about. Keep focusing on yourself, get better, and hang in there honey.
((Hugs))