Realization- I'm just sex to him
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| Tue, 01-18-2005 - 6:31pm |
I just need to write because I am so sick of my waffling and I'm getting so close to actually ending it. Maybe some harsh responses will help me face reality.
I've been trying to end it with my MM. I did start NC, and then when he called, just caved and acted like nothing happened. So we got together, ended up having IC in the car again, and now I'm supposed to see him Thursday.
The IC is great, but the problem is, I never wanted to have a purely sexual A. Now that I can see that's what it's become for him (or has been all along) I can't keep doing it. I read the Reduction post. I read about the poor BS. I feel like crap. I want out. I can't for the life of me understand why this is hard for me to do. Every time I talk to him I'm reminded of how unimportant I am to him. He is leaving on a cruise with his W in 5 weeks. He tells me how he has to go shopping for things. I don't want to hear about it. It's like he's lost all sensitivity. He always seems bored talking to me, unless we start talking about sex. I joked about breaking up with him before he goes on his cruise so I can just start getting over him. (I was kind of serious.) He said, "Oh we'll just break up after this Thursday then. Give you more time to deal with me going on the cruise." But of course, he said he would have no problem being a booty call for me if I needed him. He was serious. This is NOT how this started! He said he loved me, thought about being with me, missed me. When did he just decide I meant nothing to him anymore? I'm just outside sex to him.
Why would I even want to be with this jerk? He makes me feel so low. I am a decent-looking college-educated hard-working loving woman that a lot of men would want. Why am I putting up with this kind of treatment? Why do I think I can't do better?
I'm sorry I'm rambling. I'm just tired of crying. I read so much good stuff on this board, and I pray that it starts sinking in. I don't want to be pining over this guy for the next year.
I'm so miserable.
Breathe

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Breath
He treats you the same way he would treat a $5 hooker, he gets bord because you are and were nothing but a peace of A$$ to him all that love crap was just the bait in the trap and you swallowed it hook line and sinker.
>>>"Why would I even want to be with this jerk? He makes me feel so low. I am a decent-looking college-educated hard-working loving woman that a lot of men would want. Why am I putting up with this kind of treatment? Why do I think I can't do better?"<<<
Do you believe you deserve better then to be treated like a bar fly if not way not, we let people treat us the way we feel about ourselves, what does your therapist have to say about your motivations.
Harsh enough ??
Free
ouch
at least my MM treats me like a princess even if i only have him a few hours a week. reading your post makes me feel like my relationship is good when i am beginining to realize how much really isn't.
don't let any man treat you like that.
Breathe,
My xOM started treating me that way about a month after we broke up. Suddenly he could just have sex with me (without any emotions). I can't explain it...I tried to figure it out for months, but all it did was make me more crazy.
You know what you need to do...you know what is best for you. Yes, it is hard, but you need to believe that you deserve better. And until you do, he will continue to treat you like you don't.
Diva
Free,
It's exactly what I want and need to hear.
I feel like a $5 hooker.
I feel played.
Only had one T session and not quite dug in yet.
I'm scared to think I'm trying to fill some need, because I don't think I'll ever be able to do that myself.
Thanks. I've already copied a lot of your posts.
Breathe
Debbi,
I'd like to think that I'd be satisfied with a few hours a week from my MM if he treated me like a princess, but I still don't think I would.
I want to feel like I'm important to the guy I'm in love with, and I'll never feel that way with a married man. If the man has a W, it doesn't matter what he says or how he treats you, you are NEVER number one. NEVER.
I'm kind of glad it's coming to this. Him treating me like crap makes it easier for me than for some others to say, "You're an a**hole. Have a nice life."
I pray the words come out of my mouth real soon.
It's like removing a band-aid. Slow and drawn out, or rip it off quick. It's gonna hurt either way, so I might as well just rip it off.
Breathe
B
"I'm scared to think I'm trying to fill some need, because I don't think I'll ever be able to do that myself."
Yes you can, in fact there are needs that only YOU can meet, have more faith in yourself, I don't know you from Adam but I can see your potential you need to see it to.
Free
Thanks, Free.
I don't know you from Adam either, but reading your stuff on here and seeing how you tell people straight, it means a lot to me that you see my "potential."
Diva,
<<>>
I say all that stuff about myself being deserving of something better, but if I really believed it, why would I still be in this destructive and painful A? You're both right- he's going to treat me like crap for as long as I let him.
Breathe
Breathe
i know you're right, but how do i unlove this man? it's not like i can just turn it off. i've been hooked on these posts for the past few days and i'm starting to really question what the hell i am doing.
i almost wish i'd not found this site. i am so incredibly unhappy now. every time i read about someone who is worse off than me i don't feel "hey i'm better off" ... i feel just awful for her.
i am sorry for what you are going through. i'd like to think that i would never tolerate it, but i wonder now. in a lot of ways i am.
you need to do what you know is right.
Debbi
Debbi,
I'm not judging anyone else, that's for sure. I've been putting up with his crap for over 2 months now. I, too, feel that I can't just "turn off" my feelings. But I hurt now way more than I am happy. That's not love.
He knows I'm putting up with it. When he talked about "breaking up" this Thursday, I said, "Oh, now you're breaking up with me?" and he said, "YES. I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF THAT PART."
Nice.
He's playing with me. So when he dangles this in front of me Thursday, I'm going to surprise him. I'm going to take the "break up" and run with it.
I'm going to hurt like hell. But honestly, how much worse can I feel than I do now?
Breathe
Breathe
there are so many 'you go girl' types on here.
i am not one of those. you need to do what is right for you. i don't want to tell you what to do. it's easy to give advice to others. i can't follow that same advice myself.
Debbi
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