Really can't believe this has happenend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Really can't believe this has happenend.
1
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 6:45am
Ok. Made it to 18 days NC today and was pretty sure I wouldn't ever hear from xAP. The day that my H and I forwarded a very brief NC 'ever' email (18th Jan) to xAP I received a text, one sentence reply email and a voicemail message from xAP and he was pretty angry and basically yelled at me to just leave him alone. I knew he was in shock and very very hurt, but that is totally beside the point. It doesn't matter. And of course I did not respond in any way. So began my 'NC' journey that day, which is still continuing today.
However, he rang me about 5.45pm tonight and left a message on my voicemail. I was completely floored and a little shakey. My husband was here too. We both listened to the message he left together. It was basically along the lines of this "You know that text you sent me about thanking me for helping you get that job at ****, well I just want to say thanks, I am now homeless and my marriage is finished. So hope you have a good life. Goodbye".
And yes, for those who are struggling to finish their A for whatever reason, please listen to others when they say that it can spill over and seriously affect so many other areas of your life. My xAP was one of my Referees on my Work Resume/C.V. (I know I know) and I successfully applied for a very good job later last year, which I am officially beginning full time on 1st March.
And no, where I live it is not possible to 'block' numbers. I checked, and that's why I haven't done that. And my husband does not want me to change my number, at this stage anyway.
So....I knew it was important that I posted this and acknowledged it. And of course, I will not reply. So I am still officially NC. It is interesting though, how my thought patterns are/have changed now. Up until this call I must admit I have been struggling with the hurt and pain of not seeing xAP etc etc etc. but now I just can't believe that he is blaming ME for what's happened in his life. xAP has sooo many issues, depression, internal anger issues, multiple 'addictions'. He has so much trouble facing up to his own responsibilities with stuff and seems to so often blame others for things that happen to him. During our whole A I often heard how crap his marriage was, how he only married his wife (which was only about 6 months before our PA started) cos she wanted to (they had been together about 12 years already) and how for about the last 5 years their relationship was bad etc etc etc. And now this has happened, which has really been 'on the cards' since early December, he is blaming me.
My H and I have talked about this all, and we have put some things in place regarding how I/we will handle things. I will not speak to xAP under any circumstances, and my H is considering speaking to xAP himself if there is any continued contact (I don't believe there will be now). But I just wanted to be open and honest with you all here, and to also say that I'm finally 'getting it' - the sort of person xAP really is...and I feel like such an absolute fool (and that's way too mild a word for how I really feel about myself right now) that I became so emotionally and physically attached to this person. And man, it so hurts :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 7:03am

((((Bestrong)))


Well sweetie, it looks like you are really going to have to live up to your moniker now. This is when you'll you have to be tougher than nails and accept the past for what it really was; a error in judgment

   ~Iddy~