Really confused!
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| Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:00pm |
After seeing Mm this week I feel back into an unhealthy pattern of anxiety, worry and insecurity (somethign I worked hard to rid myself of this summer). I spoke to Mm and he did reassure me. But tonight I picked a fight. I just argued everything. I think I did it on purpose to me put at a place where I control what happens next. I can call him and apologize, ask him to forget what we said and pretty much thigns will be ok. Or I can call him and tell him we need to end things and not speak. I don't know what to do. I have made up a list of pros/cons to help me sort through this. Can anyone read throguh the lines and tell me what to do??
I want this over b/c:
- i want to love my husband and think only of him
- I don't want to run my life around MM's calls
-I want to be free of wondering what someone else is doing besides myself and my DD
-i want to be free of anxiety
-i don't want to hear about MM's life, and think that if timing was different I would have married MM instead of H and my life would be with him
I don't want this to be over:
- i know I am going to miss this person that I speak more to than my H
- I may never know that excitement when the phone rings, the anticipation of a touch or the way when something he says makes my heart skip a beat
-i don't want to rid myself of the security blanket that I have used to cover me and protect me from H's hardness
- B/c when H hits me with a verbally abusive attack or nasty outburst I may have to rely solely on myself to get through and not the notion that there is s man out there who thinks I am special
I really don't know what to do.

I like your reasons to stop. The only thing stopping you, is, uh, you.
As far as reasons you don't want it to be over, well, think about a security blanket for a moment, Bria. When the security blanket gets all threadbare & the patches aren't holding up all that well and the blanket isn't actually offering all that much security anymore, maybe it's time to simply let go of it. If you don't watch yourself carefully, it's easy to trip over the scraggly unwravelling ends of a threadbare security blanket...
If memory serves you've mentioned you are in individual counselling, which is a good thing and will give you healthier coping strategies if you'll entertain them lol.
Are you and your H receiving any marriage counselling as well? It seems H could do with some help with regard to the verbal abuse you've mentioned.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
I am in counseling but H would NEVER go. In fact, he uses that against me when he gets mad .."go see your shrink". I am just workign on coping srategies and my limits as to what I will take.
The "security" Mm gives me does have holes but it is my safegurad. So when H is an jerk I think to myslef, "the heck with you b/c I have someoene else so ha.". Gives me a little bit of satisfaction and the ability to walk away from a fight. I used to fight back which made it worse. Then some how H would take what I said and make me the bad guy. I know it is lame but I am just used to having that "MM strategy!
Hi. I have been reading your post. I am in the beginnings of getting over my A so can't be of any fantastic help to anyone, but I have to let you know your H sounds a lot like my XH.
I understand that you feel you have something to fall back on with this OM, but just to let you know I had NO ONE to fall back on, I never stepped out on my H...So anyway you really don't need the OM...I dealt with my H without one and if I did it (as weak as I can be) it is very possible for anyone.
All it sounds like you are doing, IMHO, is prolonging either the healing or the ending of your M. Kind of a hamster on a wheel kind of situation.
take care,
Need2