Really having a hard time today....
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| Thu, 12-06-2012 - 2:19pm |
Yesterday was 7 weeks NC. I had a pretty easy day because I was completely swamped at work, didn't swell or think of xAP too much. Today is another story. I am just having such a hard time. I know that wondering how he is, if he's missing me, etc is not helpful but I just can't stop today.
Yesterday I had to work a bit late, and was taking my usual route home. I was waiting to get on the expressway when I saw a car that looked like xAP's ahead of me turn and get on the expressway. I don't know if the possibility of it being him stirred things up in me or what. It's totally possible it was him, he still works in my area, and he also takes the same route home - just normally does not get on the expressway there. I do know that if it was him I am glad I didn't actually see him, I would have been a mess.
Just having such a hard time today 
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I'm sorry you are having a hard time today, (((Changed)))
Yeh, sounds like you were triggered...whether it was him or not...just that it could have been brought it all to the forefront of your mind.
I suppose this is what other addicts go through as well. They see their drug of choice and the addiction tries to reassert itself.
Hang in there, Changed...it'll pass...as long as you don't act upon your feelings...it'll pass.
((hugs))
Clarity
withClarity, Community Leader...EAS
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Thanks Clarity for the hugs, I can use them right now! I hope tomorrow is a better day...
Thank you WGO
I am trying to focus on the positive, but there are moments that are still very very hard. Like you said though, hopefully over time it will fade, and I know that eventually, things will get better.
Hi Progression - yes I am feeling better today! It's almost lunchtime here and I havent been obsessively thinking about xAP all day like I was yesterday. Nor do I feel as miserable in general. It is a better day, a lot of them have been lately, but still just some really bad ones.
Like you suggested...saying to myself that "he does not matter, what he's thinking of does not matter" is actually something I have been trying today. So far, it's helping!
Thanks for the congratulations and the reassurance that this is just part of the process and it will get better...it really does help to hear others say this!