I'm on the other side of the world right now but I'm here and feeling your pain. It sucks doesn't it?! I so know what you're going through...I'm up to 4 weeks NC on Monday and I can't believe that I'm still thinking so much about this f'n A!!! But I know you've probably read this all before, but it does get easier as time goes on. Yes, it's an agonisingly slow process, but tiny little bit by tiny little bit it gets easier. I don't know necessarily that the 'feelings' change, ie. the missing them and stuff, but I do know that we ourselves get stronger as each day goes by and we maintain NC - we gain new skills and insights to keep going, and we begin feeling more and more empowered that we CAN do this, and we know it will make us into that person we really want to be (a person who does not want to endure pain and heartache for the sake of wanting something we can't have).
You've probably read it all before, but just wanted to let you know I'm here going through the same thing and I'm sending out thoughts and love.
Word for word I can relate to and nod my head, yes I know what you're feeling. Your words really hit every nerve in my body because those questions I had during my entire affair with him. I suppose I am 'lucky' (if that's what you like to call it) in that I talked to his wife. We communicated and became sorta 'friends' back then. She helped me with all my questions and forgave me. It's hard to explain but that woman did help me so much.
Ok - sorry, I won't hijack this thread!
Please, please do not be too harsh on yourself. In my opinion, we all loved and lost. Like my xAP's wife said, she cannot hate me because I fell in love with her husband the same way she did. She blames her husband for cheating, and yes, holds me responsible to some degree...but what I am saying is don't be so harsh on yourself when all you did was love someone. Yes, they were wrong...yes, maybe that was not real love...but at the time it 'felt' real.
Like you said, "You're heart is commited long before your head ever intends it to be. You found someone in whom you can confide and commiserate. Or so you thought. " Sometimes our hearts rush into it before our heads get there. It's like the title of this movie, "Fools rush in" or something like that. OR a real nice song is "Everybody Plays The Fool".
Take baby steps and you will get there. The first few weeks (or for me, the second month) is hard because you reflect back on the affair. You dissect every tiny thing and wonder. This is hard because you start questioning things and your self esteem gets down...but the upside to it all is that you also don't feel second best. You also don't feel like a dirty secret no more. You also start to feel less the downs of affairs... its a transition period. Like they say, if you can survive these three months... it gets much much easier... (I hope!).
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
p.s something that's helped me is going to the movies with a friend every Saturday. =) I usually don't go to movies, but now I've gone every Saturday and its taken my mind off of the affair because I'm focusing on the movie, even after its over. And there are a lot of great movies coming out this year, almost every week! lol
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
Just wanted to give you a hug and hope that today is a better one for you. Loss is painful and you've had a double whammy. I don't remember, but are you in counseling? If not, please find someone to talk to about what you are going through. We can cyberly hold your hand and offer words of comfort,
kmg6
I'm on the other side of the world right now but I'm here and feeling your pain. It sucks doesn't it?! I so know what you're going through...I'm up to 4 weeks NC on Monday and I can't believe that I'm still thinking so much about this f'n A!!! But I know you've probably read this all before, but it does get easier as time goes on. Yes, it's an agonisingly slow process, but tiny little bit by tiny little bit it gets easier. I don't know necessarily that the 'feelings' change, ie. the missing them and stuff, but I do know that we ourselves get stronger as each day goes by and we maintain NC - we gain new skills and insights to keep going, and we begin feeling more and more empowered that we CAN do this, and we know it will make us into that person we really want to be (a person who does not want to endure pain and heartache for the sake of wanting something we can't have).
You've probably read it all before, but just wanted to let you know I'm here going through the same thing and I'm sending out thoughts and love.
From one Muse lover to another :) xx
Thank you, bestrong.
Kmg,
Sorry you are hurting...so sorry, I can feel your pain. Even as I read this post. I have been where you are so know that I can relate.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
kmg,
Word for word I can relate to and nod my head, yes I know what you're feeling. Your words really hit every nerve in my body because those questions I had during my entire affair with him. I suppose I am 'lucky' (if that's what you like to call it) in that I talked to his wife. We communicated and became sorta 'friends' back then. She helped me with all my questions and forgave me. It's hard to explain but that woman did help me so much.
Ok - sorry, I won't hijack this thread!
Please, please do not be too harsh on yourself. In my opinion, we all loved and lost. Like my xAP's wife said, she cannot hate me because I fell in love with her husband the same way she did. She blames her husband for cheating, and yes, holds me responsible to some degree...but what I am saying is don't be so harsh on yourself when all you did was love someone. Yes, they were wrong...yes, maybe that was not real love...but at the time it 'felt' real.
Like you said, "You're heart is commited long before your head ever intends it to be. You found someone in whom you can confide and commiserate. Or so you thought. " Sometimes our hearts rush into it before our heads get there. It's like the title of this movie, "Fools rush in" or something like that. OR a real nice song is "Everybody Plays The Fool".
Take baby steps and you will get there. The first few weeks (or for me, the second month) is hard because you reflect back on the affair. You dissect every tiny thing and wonder. This is hard because you start questioning things and your self esteem gets down...but the upside to it all is that you also don't feel second best. You also don't feel like a dirty secret no more. You also start to feel less the downs of affairs... its a transition period. Like they say, if you can survive these three months... it gets much much easier... (I hope!).
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
(((kmg)))
Just wanted to give you a hug and hope that today is a better one for you. Loss is painful and you've had a double whammy. I don't remember, but are you in counseling? If not, please find someone to talk to about what you are going through. We can cyberly hold your hand and offer words of comfort,
~Iddy~