Really messed up...!!! help
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Really messed up...!!! help
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 3:34am |
Two years ago I dated a guy who showed me a lot of interest and care and love, I responded to his emotions until I got sofficated, it was too much so i started to be a rubber band as i needed my space. He was really hurt with my behavior and I hated the fact that I could hurt him as I had been hurt two years earlier after a 7 years relationship. Anyway, one day I received a text msg from his ex to let me know that he was still sleeping with her. I was totally shocked and deceived as he made me feel so special at the time and there was no sign at all of cheating. I met her, she was a lovely girl. I confronted him about this, he denied it at first till I told him I had met with her. He was distraught and told me all the bla bla bla htat I was the one he really to be with and that he didn't love her anymore. It was November 02 and I just couldn't leave him because I just didn't want to spend xmas on my own, I had suffer a lot the past year. See, I am a French native leaving in Ireland and I do feel really isolated and lonely most of time since my past relationship ended.
Anyway, we stayed together, I really felt for the other girl cause I knew exaclty what she was going through but I was being selfish and just wanted company. Now, I also had some feelings for him but as the months went by I started again to be a rubber band, thinking also of what he had done and was he still in contact with her as she had gone to Australia for a year. To get the story short, he was in contact with her but I had no problem with it as I still ahd contact with my exes family till he started to say taht at least she loved him her. meaning not me. I did care for him but I couldnt' stop thinking of his cheating. We went on holidays for a month and it was nice, he wanted us to move in together etc...yet he was still in contact with her. Also, he had a very high sex drive and his whole thing is more or less based on this when I would be more quality. I just couldnt' live with someone whom I couldnt trust 100%. So last November 03 we boke up and didn't i predicted everything, his ex was then back within 2-3weeks and they are back together now. But since, he has been cheating on her with me. Now, I know, I am not really proud with this but I cannot understand why does he do this? help me to see clearly. His affection with her and I are the same on his behaviour side of it which is a bit strange. Can you help me figure this out and what should I do? I would love to walk away but the truth is I can't really let go, I do enjoy seeing him every 3-4 weeks and also we are in contact on icq every day. We do flirt a lot but I am still confused and wonder if he cares at all about me or just tell me waht to do... I am told to be a very beautiful lady, i am 33 but I feel my life wasting in front of me with a huge lack of confidence, even though I have a great sense of humour!!
Anyway, we stayed together, I really felt for the other girl cause I knew exaclty what she was going through but I was being selfish and just wanted company. Now, I also had some feelings for him but as the months went by I started again to be a rubber band, thinking also of what he had done and was he still in contact with her as she had gone to Australia for a year. To get the story short, he was in contact with her but I had no problem with it as I still ahd contact with my exes family till he started to say taht at least she loved him her. meaning not me. I did care for him but I couldnt' stop thinking of his cheating. We went on holidays for a month and it was nice, he wanted us to move in together etc...yet he was still in contact with her. Also, he had a very high sex drive and his whole thing is more or less based on this when I would be more quality. I just couldnt' live with someone whom I couldnt trust 100%. So last November 03 we boke up and didn't i predicted everything, his ex was then back within 2-3weeks and they are back together now. But since, he has been cheating on her with me. Now, I know, I am not really proud with this but I cannot understand why does he do this? help me to see clearly. His affection with her and I are the same on his behaviour side of it which is a bit strange. Can you help me figure this out and what should I do? I would love to walk away but the truth is I can't really let go, I do enjoy seeing him every 3-4 weeks and also we are in contact on icq every day. We do flirt a lot but I am still confused and wonder if he cares at all about me or just tell me waht to do... I am told to be a very beautiful lady, i am 33 but I feel my life wasting in front of me with a huge lack of confidence, even though I have a great sense of humour!!
thank you

Sounds like you have all the answers to your questions. You can either accept you are his OW (other woman) and continue your A (affair) or move on and find someone who will appreciate your "beauty and sense of humor" completely. He has clearly made his choice--his actions speak volumes--now you need to make yours.
I know this is a difficult situation for you, but there is a strength in you--all you need to do is access it. In my very humble opinion, ~ifm