Really need advice..new here
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| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 8:28pm |
I have been lurking around this board for awhile..and have finally decided that I need someone to talk too.
This is my story. UGH. In June I ran into an old BF at a 20 year hs reunion...he contacted me the following week through email(theres a website with all our email addresses on it). He flirted BIG TIME, gave me tons of attention, said all the right things for weeks. We spent hours im'ing & he called every day. I am M and he has a GF. My H is a great guy but he gives me NO attention. He is never home...works ALL the time and has a ton of hobbies..so the story goes. So after about a month of daily contact..I agreed to meet him. We kissed & it was so awesome. He called me bright & early the next morning to tell me how awesome we were together. Another week passed and I met him again...once more we were awesome together...THEN my H took the kids camping overnight & I met him at his condo...we didnt have IC but we did enough. His GF was away. Ever since that there has been little or no contact. He tells me not to email him because he doesn't want GF to read his emails...he has called but I think he only does it because I ask him too..not because he wants too. I text message him because I can't help myself...and I get little short responses. I want to stop all of this and that's why I decided to post here. I am having a lot of trouble figuring this out. After we were together that Friday night...he never called the next day. That hurt me. I have no clue why. I have been reading this board..and have realized that I am spending way too much time on this whole thing. I just want it too stop. My head hurts. I think I want it to end...but yet I am waiting for his call, or his email, or his text message. Its insane. Any advice would be appreciated. Should I contact him & tell him how I am feeling? Or just let it fizzle out. I know he will call...so thats why I am thinking I should just end it by contacting him. I can't take another day of the waiting game...I never knew something like this would be so emotional for me.

a dead-end for you. Your marriage has the basics but needs work. Take all the energy
you're wasting on worrying over this LOSER who is pursuing a married woman while he
has a girlfriend. What a jerk. What ever happened to the sisterhood of women?
But I'm one to talk, I was a divorced mom involved with a married dad - his son & mine were friends. I was friendly though not friends with his W. I have to live with my betrayal of my self-respect and my ideals. Don't put yourself in that miserable, self-hating place. It took me 3 years to have the guts and character to say NO MORE and walk away and end it. It was so hard.
Don't waste your time like that -- life is TOO SHORT! This affair is strictly deadend -- if YOU'RE LUCKY, it'll end in due time & you'll JUST be hurt & sad & humiliated. If you're not & many people aren't so "lucky" as to get away with it, you'll end up hurting people you really care about -- your H, your family, your kids, who'll just be so ashamed and devastated. Don't risk these important people, don't risk your own self-respect and self-love.
Get some counseling for yourself & your marriage. make your life what you want it to be. NO one WANTS to go where you are headed.
it's like "I just want to TRY crack - I don't want to get addicted." yeah right.
take care of yourself!! Everyone on this site has been where you are now -- or is there now. We are all pulling for you!!!
First I want to tell you I agree with the first poster completly.
Second you need to get your guts together and tell you husband in no uncertain terms what your not getting from and that he needs to get it together or he is going to have real problems in his marriage, your a 50 percent partner in your marriage so you hav ethe right and RESPONSIBILITY to speak up and deal with the problems or deal with the fall out from having an affair, divorce and a broken home for your children.
Please read my post to takingcareofme, It discribs OM to a tee.
Free
That is so true. I thought I could play with fire and not get burned...bad news: it just doesn't happen!
Erase his email and IM from your computer. Get rid of his phone number.
You're lookin for tomatoes in the potato patch.
HUH?
He wants physical relationship; that's all. (See "Harry Met Sally" -why would a guy want to just be friends?). He wanted variety for old time's sake. You may have too, but you wanted more (or so it sounds).
You've said you feel attention is lacking in your current relationship. Being a woman, you've gone seeking more attention. I hate to sound so sexist, but... if the shoe fits... I've heard it said that men have relationships so we can get sex. Women have sex so they can have relationships. (I know that is simplistic... and yet... there's something to it even though there are holes in the idea).
You have two bottom lines.
1) Get out of this fixation/fantasy of the other guy. He probably doesn't care. His GF is more important (sorry, that's just what it is... you're probably great and all, but his GF is more important). Solution? GO NO CONTACT immediately!!!
2) Get more out of your relationship w/ H. This is up to you, too.
You can do this. I sense an intelligence to your post. Like the Nike ads say, "Just Do It!" You're right on w/ your handle. Life IS too short for all that baggage. Dump the baggage, kiddo.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. It is nothing but baggage. I did go outside of my M for attention. I was stupid...but old feelings surfaced for OM and yadda,yadda,yadda. You're right..he doesn't care. His first M ended because he was in the public limelight playing baseball & his W was home with a new baby...he cheated left & right. Now he is doing the same to his GF....he is an idiot.
I am glad to be angry with him. You're right about the variety thing for him. In one of our conversations he told me that he had wanted to have IC with me since he knew what IC was. Jerk. He actually knows my H....and was concerned about how much money he made..what kind of car he drove..blah, blah, blah. What a headgame.
I so want to tell him...how I feel...part of me wants to hear that he does care..but I know he doesn't. It was some stupid fantasy of his that I bought right into. This is the first time I ever have done anything like this...been with DH for 20 years and it will be the last time I ever do this...I can't handle it.
Thanks for responding to me. I am so glad I decided to open up here. I just can't handle all of this in silence..with no one to tell.