really upset - need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
really upset - need support
3
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:10am
Just when I think I am doing better I have a really bad day. I can't seem to stop getting upset today. My h and I got into a little tiff about something he did last night. He did something that reminded me of how he used to be before things stated getting better between us. I have all these thoughts in my head about my life with him and I get so upset. I am crying as we speak. My h and I are trying to have another baby and I need Clomid to do that like I did with my first child. I am starting that on Monday. I am so scared bc all I can think about is my XMM. I truly miss him and I can't believe I will never talk to him again. He has moved on with his family and they are expecting another child. I hate that. I think how miserable I am and he is just smoothing through life. I know his life has done a 180 and he has to move on. (history - this was an unexpected preg). I just wish I could be happy again and move forward. It has been 5 weeks since NC but about 2 months since things started going bad. I want the pain to stop. I think I am alittle more emotional bc it is that time of the month as well. The thought of never having those feeling again and all the things I did love about him are playing over and over in my head. I just sit here and see his face and think about things we did and said. Please make it stop. I hate being this weak. I know it will get better, but when?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:34am
Merehud,

I know it's hard not to think about all the good things you enjoyed about xMM. You got involved with him for a reason and, right or wrong, got emotionally attached. Believe me, it's been almost 3 months since my xOM and I broke up and I still think of all the fun we had, things he said to me, places we went. I still reread old emails occasionally (ones I have not yet been able to delete)...and I'm ashamed to say, but there have even been a few times I called his VM at work (late when I knew he wasn't there) just to hear his voice.

The pain will be there for awhile. There is no magic pill that can erase those feelings. I know it probably seems that xMM has just moved on with his life - but he doesn't have a choice - and neither do you now. If you and H are going to work on your M and bring a child into this world, you really need to focus on that. That baby deserves your thoughts and your love - not xMM.

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:11am
Merehud,

I agree with Diva, plus you mentioned one key word.... CLOMID..... OH GOD!@! that stuff is an emotional roller coaster!!! HELLO...... I used it for 4 years off and on.... plus, think of the little one your trying for. You deserve someone's FULL attention, not your xMM. YOu deserve better!!!

Take care, and keep the faith. I got prego after giving up!!! tried for 6 years, drugs, IVF... gave up.. got prego 13 mos later... now my beautiful girl is 15 mos old!!!

Murf

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:49am
If only the emotional rollercoast stopped when the A stopped, we'd all have such different things to say on this board.

This week, I've had the exact same problems you describe -- remembering the good times, the funny and tender things he would say, the way it felt when he held me close.

I have to force myself to remember all the hurtful things he said, how he ignored my phone calls, never e-mailed, called, met when he promised. How he ultimately chose his wife and kids over me. It's a good excercise, recalling all the bad things. It puts you right back on track sometimes.

But most of the time, I just miss him.

He's gone on with his life, so must you (and me).

It will get better, just read some of these stories and see how strong these women get with each passing day.