Recognizing Choices
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| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 7:33am |
We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.
We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors--such as caretaking or controlling.
Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say "I hve to take care of this person...." "I have to say yes...." "I have to try to control that person..." "I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way..." we can know we are CHOOSING not to see choices.
That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are NOT controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. WE have options.
Recovery is NOT about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else's rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the FREEDOM to choose.
Meditation:
Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.
Courtesy: Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
**NB: I know that some people may not subscribe to codependency....and I believe that most of us have codependency traits from one extent to another. I, personally, have A LOT of them. So, regardless if you subscribe to this line of thought or not, I believe that the recognition that we ALL have choices....to be who we are, where we are and what we are, all lay in the choices we make whether or not we believe they are choices. And even choosing not to make a choice, is a choice.
namaste~
dharma

I love having choices, and duh!, I didn't realize I had any until I got into recovery. My life was a series of responses - to other people, to situations, and I was a slave to my drugs.
Now, living clean, I realize I CAN make decisions for myself. I guess that's why my posts regarding HOW I'm able to move forward through NC are always oriented around the fact that I made a decision to end the A. That's really big for me. I always re-acted to other people and acted on a whim. What worked for me yesterday might not work for me again today, depending on how I felt at that moment. There was no consistency in my actions; they were subject to change depending on the weather, who I last spoke to, etc. That's a chaotic way to live.
It is truly liberating to know that we can choose our own course, within reason. I do believe my overall path has already been decided by my higher power, BUT that's only MY belief. I believe that every day I have an opportunity to move smoothly through life doing HIS will by making good choices, or I can go absolutely highwire by making my own choices - which are never good ones.
I make my choices today while meditating and praying when I feel I am in the closest contact with my higher power. I run my choices by other spiritually centered people before I make a decision. I am no longer re-acting to whatever comes my way.
I need to be reminded of this everyday, though, lest I fall back into old habits of re-acting recklessly to people, places and things. That's when I did my greatest amount of damage.
It feels really good.
Thanks for this awesome reminder that at any given time we can make good, healthy choices for ourselves and not get sucked into chaos, drama and reacting. Namaste, Mo.
Thank you for this. Choices, choices, choices. Sometimes I feel like there are too many choices in life today. I get overwhelmed by choices, maybe because I am afraid of making the wrong one, I don't know. I am really good at seeing the grey area of issues. While this really helps me to be an empathetic person and a good mediator, it also paralyzes me in my own life.
One thing that attracted me to xMM was his ability to just be so black and white. Things were just very simple and clear in his mind. I envied that. I often fantasize about just living in a small town somewhere where the hardest decision is whether to buy white or wheat. I know that is not the answer but I just get so bogged down by it all and I want to give up.
Do you ever feel this way? I guess the worst thing to do is to make no choice at all and to let life just blow you along haphazardly. I've done that for too long and I want to be the captain of this ship, I am just very afraid I guess.
Thanks,
Real