Recovering
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| Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:12am |
Hi, I've not posted in a while but I do still read here regularly. Ended 3 yr A at the start of year went back mid-year xAP walked away from me again, it felt pretty brutal at the time. Past few months xAP resumed fishing attempts (we work together).
Thing is I know I won't go back now I can say it and I believe it inside myself. Its taken me so long to get here I never thought I would be able to resist the temptation in the past no matter how badly we ended every time I would go back I was like a zombie.
Time and very little contact has given me the strength to walk away from something I realise I overly emotionally invested in. I attached too much importance to a relationship that can't ever work out. Now when he fishes I think what's changed? Answer - nothing so I've learned the hard way, I live with the feelings and won't act on them again, too painful.
I couldn't have done it without the help here. Messenger and Lovely Starr were the two CLs who helped drag me out of the sea, I honestly didn't know which way was up or where to turn and I am very grateful to them both and also to all who have taken the time to reply to my posts in the past, I really can't thank you all enough!
Roxy xx

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Good for you girl!! At least now you can see clearly and can save yourself anymore hurt and can heal.
Hugs!!
Hi Roxy!!! It's so nice to hear from you. I had been thinking about you lately (where is she??), and here you are :) I am so happy to hear that you can finally say (and that you know!) that you will never go back. I know how hard it is to not respond to the fishing attempts, and knowing that he is in your workplace, there must have been quite a few of them! (fishing attempts)
What do you do when he fishes? Ignore him?
Hugs
Htgo ;)
I am so proud of you....even though it took a long time to get to where you are, at least you got there and that has to feel so good. I could have written your post. I too have been out of my extremely intense EA for close to a year now. I too got sucked back in mid year only to be hurt yet again. We are family friends so we are now in L/C. Like you, time and distance has helped me see the harse reality of this terrible situation I put myself in. Now I can see that it was just so not worth it. Wow...to see that he really is not the man I once made him out to be. For a really smart girl, I was acting very dumb all of those years (3).
The way I try to look at it now is better late than never. I also have really tried to not dwell on
Hiya HTGO!! great to hear from you too, how are things going for you? Any easier?
I am well aware that the potential for me to fall back into the A is still there BUT the fishing attempts which were once so hard to resist because of the 'chemistry' I now find a bit irritating and to be honest, not very flattering.
Sometimes I laugh and say something like 'you're just being stupid' or I just look at him roll my eyes and shake my head. I did say to him last time we spoke 'what is it you want from me?' he said something completely predictable like 'you know what I want' at one time (embarrassing this) that's probably all it would have taken for me to forgive, forget and carry on now, I kinda find it all a quite transparrent and a bit feeble!! ha ha!
I can't be stand offish with him but I feel like I've developed my own sense of self preservation it hurt so much the last time we ended, I was on the floor, and now it seems it wasn't really the end for him he just put me on the back burner only to try and drag me back into the A yet again because IT SUITS HIM urrrghh!! I'm not some expendable/ disposable toy I'm a real person with real feelings for goodness sake! Without being too critical of xAP I do keep thinking he doesn't deserve one woman let alone two!
Anyway, enough rambling on from me HTGO let me know how you're getting on?
((hugs)) Roxy
Edited 11/17/2009 11:46 am ET by roxygirl2009
Edited 11/17/2009 11:59 am ET by roxygirl2009
Ha ha I loved what you wrote at the end of your post:
"I do keep thinking he doesn't deserve one woman let alone two!"
LOL how right you are about that!!!
I am so glad you are in that place now where you feel much stronger! I hope to get there too and hopefully soon. For now my days just seem to drag on... I still wish he would pack up his belongings and his family and move far, far away from me.
I want to become indifferent to him, and that's the most difficult task ever.
Like you, I asked xAP: what do you want from me?
Hm well you can guess what the answer was.
And I can totally relate to what you were saying here:
" and now it seems it wasn't really the end for him he just put me on the back burner only to try and drag me back into the A yet again because IT SUITS HIM urrrghh!! I'm not some expendable/ disposable toy I'm a real person with real feelings for goodness sake"
:(
For How long have you been out of the A now?
hugs
Hugs to go ;)
Hi Hopefloatsoneday; thank you for the support and your reply :)
Hi so-sad; congratulations on your progress too it really does feel good (eventually!), to be out of the mess rather than stuck in it and yes you're right KNOWLEDGE(self) = POWER!
Hugs and good luck to all
Roxy xx
Hey there Roxy -
Great to hear from you!
Hi Brighterdays, thanks so much for your kind words of support and I wish every future happiness to you and your family.
Roxy :) x
Hi Hugs to Go!
I know you totally get how tough LC is. We ended at the start of the year got back briefly end of May then it ended again, fishing started early September. I don't know whether I'll ever be at indifference myself but I've tried to take the pressure off my head by accepting that maybe I'll always care about xAP - he was a big deal for me and we had a lot of fun together.
Thing is though I'm exhausted battling with myself, battling with him... not moving on, so when the fishing started I gave myself permission to get back into the A if I wanted to but I honestly can't go back there... whether this will last who knows it really is one day at a time.
HTGO is there any chance your xAP will move away anytime soon? Wasn't he starting a job soon(ish)? or is he still around toooooo much?
Roxy xx
LOL you have a good memory, roxy! :)
That's right, my xAP got back to working last Monday.
but it's only for a few hours. Yesterday he was ill though.
He doesn't have to work much, but it would be best if the hours
would become more and more and more soon .
No, xAP says he will never move away from the house he lives in on. He loves his house so much.
I would move for sure, if I had the money. It would be so funny to move secretly at night, and that he would see an empty house the next day ha ha
I must say it took your xAP a long time to come fishing again!! That's good though. My xAP longest time of "not fishing" was two weeks. But maybe that was because he was so bored.
Hugs
Htgo
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