Recovery books?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Recovery books?
4
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 5:39pm

Are there any books out there that cover a SINGLE person's pain and recovery!? I've noticed numerous books about healing from an affair in a marriage setting but I can't find a thing to help ME a single person whose exMM is gone now... and I'm STRUGGLING! :(

Any help is appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 6:27pm

i too would like to know, im single male in an affair, ending it, i want to know how to deal with all the pain, and how to move on

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:12am

A couple suggestions from someone that's hundreds of miles ahead of you on this journey.

The first step is to learn, realize and ACCEPT what once WAS is no longer.

The second step is to ACCEPT that there is nothing you can do to change the relationship to something healthy or good because it was a sick relationship to begin with.

The third step is to ACCEPT you made a mistake.....FORGIVE yourself and start turning your life around by putting YOURSELF first!

Hundreds of relationships are ended daily and we ACCEPT it without going off the deep end because we DON'T allow it to affect us....we don't analyze why? we don't torture ourselves....we just walk away and MOVE forward. We're able to accomplish this because WE are IN control of our emotions.

An affair relationship is no different....believe it or not, YOU are in control! The day you realize that it serves no benefit to ALLOW someone's actions control you...will be the day you'll start feeling better because you will be moving forward.

Get out your old black book of SINGLE female friends and start calling! Start doing things you once enjoyed and start LIVING your life to the fullest.

The obsession over OW/OM will only last as long as you ALLOW it to....STOP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 2:20am

Losing someone we care about is never easy, whether we ended it, they ended it or otherwise. I'm sending you the link to the 4 stages of grief which was written by a man who had a difficult time in getting over a love relationship. These 4 stages can apply to any personal loss:


http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/


The most important thing to remember is that this relationship was an unhealthy one. People are/were getting hurt because of our selfishness. No one has the right to intrude on another person's marriage or family. Once we can accept full responsibility for our part in it, can we then move on to a better, more honest life.


Good luck,

**Id**

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 10:08am

I don't know... sometimes I think it's more about the rejection for me... and while he HAD to reject me and it's just something he HAS to do... it KILLS ME! It kills me that he can't come out and say "I love you and I wish I could be with you... but I can't!" Instead his actions say... "I miss you - but I'm doing this now" and I'm like... so did he love me or not???? Was I naive to think what we had was WORTH something!?!?!?

I don't know and I realize this is the "Ending" board and people don't want to hear me dwelling on what WAS... it's time to move on! But... it's KILLING ME and I can't seem to get past it... and it's been almost 10 months! :(