Rejection....
Find a Conversation
Rejection....
| Wed, 01-26-2011 - 11:57pm |
I have to come here and ask for your opinions and support. I think I will already know most your opinions and no doubt that I will have you all's support.

Pages
HI Luvin!
I am not able right now to respond in any great length right now as I must get to sleep for work tomorrow.
However one thing stood out to me,
I am not any good at knocking anyone into anything, I am more like that sappy character in the movie Mean Girls who crys and wants everyone to be all flowery and happy;) Luvin he sounds like a good friend and maybe he would have been a good match for you at another time in your life, but he has gone back and forth one to many times and just because we are not in an A anymore doesn't mean those single guys we meet are going to be automatically 'better' than those xap's. Single or married people will have unhealthy relationship skills and this guy sounds like he has commitment issues. You know what I honestly think you should do? Don't date right now, you worked hard to move past your A and work hard at being a great mom. Learn to be ok with loneliness and you won't fear it anymore. Look in your mirror and believe it when you see yourself that you are beautiful inside and out<3
Luvin-
Yes, NC absolutely applies to non A relationships.
Luvin I totally agree with the other posters!
I know exactly what you mean.
Remember earlier - just before the holidays when I began cutting people out of my life- friends who I have been close to for my whole life, for 20+ years and even some of my siblings? NC with all of them - and why? Because the behaviors they offered were toxic to my healing.
This is not to say they are bad people, they just simply did not seem to conform to any part of me trying to better heal and grow and well, at the end of the day - I don't have the energy to spend supporting those who make me feel bad about me.
Abandonment issues are some of the worst to conquer post A. YOU my dear friend, ARE conquering this - For as long as I have been here you have actively been accountable, growing and learning and - the reason it's so hard? Because abandonment shoots right down to the core of who we are and that rejection from such a young age impacts us forever.
I do not know that ANY of us get over the feelings when we are rejected - I think it is the biggest contributor to backsliding if you are not the ender - Rejection marks us as unloveable, unwanted, unneeded. None of these describes or defines you -
Take strength my dear Luvin, YOU are LOVED. YOU have worth. YOU are amazing.
Much love,
See ... when the bar is so low, anyone can step over it into our space.
NOT being hit or otherwise abused, IS not the (ONLY) criteria Luv for assessing someone's suitability/worthiness to be in the lives of ourselves and our children. IT IS ONLY THE START. You know that. You'd tell ME that.
"Somehow that made me think he was the one for me. For us. For me and my kids. He rejects the very notion of us for his perfect world."
NOPE - NOT even close. It is a deal breaker. Your kids need a solid YOU and someone who can bring out the best in you as a mother. This doesn't necessarily mean becoming a father figure for your kids, or expecting someone else to come in and step into that role ... but at THE VERY LEAST, they need to support and nurture your relationship with your children as the most primary role you fill.
"And my dumb A$$ should have kept it movin....BUT NOOOOOOOOOO. I gotta STILL do shiz the hard and long way."
SO NOW you've learned this lesson ... the lesson that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE are you even going to give a second thought to someone who doesn't want what you have to offer ... THAT is about their choice, their right. BUT then when they come back for a little somethin ... you CAN KICK them hard enough to the curb that the crap won't come back.
Your not being rejected ... YOU ARE REJECTING this 'man' by refusing to be anything other than the AMAZING and incredibly beautiful woman that you are.
Gosh, someone is going to have to EARN the right to be in the life of me and my family - Like I am talking audition for the right for even a "call back".
WE are THAT worthy Luvin.
WE = WORTHY.
Patience.
Much love,
TU.
First up ((HUGS!))
Now, on to business ;) I agree with what some of the other ladies have said - yes, NC is totally applicable to non-A related R's. For sure. I had to do it twice post-A, and its thanks to the skills I learned here and going NC with xAP that I was able to do it. First was with a guy who was interested in me while I was in the A, previous to the A I had been interested in him (but he was with someone), so it just seemed to be bad timing. Once the A was over (though, he knew nothing about it) we were talking again and all of our mutual friends basically said 'go for it, he totally likes you': and so I did, and thus began the game of hot and cold; acting interested (through words) but never following through. A close friend of mine and I figured that he was back with his ex, but for various reasons didn't talk about it to our broader group of friends. I had a ton of things to work through then; feeling rejected, dealing with the regret that I 'had a chance' with this person and blew it, and then feeling triggered because running hot and cold is something that is pretty common to A-ville. What I ended up doing was dropping contact, though he's in the same
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
Luvin,
<>
There it is, lady.'When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.'
Cut this guy loose, Luvin, because he will never be able to love all of you, which includes your beautiful children. This has nothing to do with how good of a person you are, how easy you are on the eyes, how hard you work at being a good mother and supporter, or anything else that has to do with your SELF worth. It has everything to do with him. He has issues, and you are making them yours. Stop it! You are free now to pick and choose....the real McCoy is out there....just be patient.
<>
Get your butt back into counseling and find out why. This is something that definitely needs to be addressed.
A man who cannot be with you because you have children is hardly worth "the paper" you said he looks good on. So you ask, does NC apply to non-related relationships? Oh girl, I have a list a names so long you'd all think I was the biggest biatch. Truth is, they didn't fit into my life...like trying to force square pegs into round holes. After my 2nd M ended I went out with lots of men. I knew within the 2nd date whether they were worthy of ME, not the other way around, and if they didn't like kids, there was no 2nd date evah!!
<<>>
Because you liked him and he did have some qualities you were looking for. BUT...he lacks a very important quality that, as TU said, should be a deal breaker. YOU and your kids are the whole enchilada and if this is not acceptable, then junior can go eat somewhere else. :smileywink:
Repeat: Cut him loose. In a few weeks time you will be happy that this stress is out of your life.
((Hugs))
working.
Pages