Rejoining you all...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Rejoining you all...
10
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 5:14pm

Hello… I posted here a while back once or twice. I have been in an EA for over a year and a half. Even though it’s not physical (due only to distance) it feels just as hard; I am so attached to him and go in and out of NC. A little over a week ago I finally had a real “light bulb” moment and realized it was over. I felt really good and strong; stopped going on FB at all, knew I needed to get my life back. I even – for the very first time – did not respond to his emails, even when he started asking if I was OK. But then he sent one that he was traveling 5,000 for business, I knew of this trip and he was excited about it. So I did write him back, even though I kept it brief, but I guess just answering was my downfall. I knew he would skype me once he was out of town (he is in a relationship and I am married) and I was not planning on agreeing to it. But then I got the txt that he just tried to skype me. I held out a whole 20 minutes before I skyped him back, then once I saw him it was all over. Back to square one. I’m so disappointed and of course all torn up inside again over him. I don’t know how long I am going to keep doing this to myself. He may even have a business trip in a state near me, he said he would take a detour on his way home and see me. I don’t believe him, but then again half the time when I don’t believe him he is actually being true. My sister knows about this whole thing and said no way I can see him. I don’t know how I became this person, I have an amazing H and kids, but we are having nightmarish financial issues and may lose our house. I am scared and frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 6:19pm

Hanvan,


Welcome back. And please do not feel silly, an A, whether an EA or PA, is not something to feel silly about.


I know you are on a low right now from your high this afternoon. You clearly recognize that this is endemic of an A so ask yourself, is this how you want to live? You are on the right track with doing NC but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't stick the first time or the second, sometimes it takes a few tries - it did with me. If you are determined to leave this all behind you and live your life free of what can only be described as torment, then you will have to dig deep within yourself to find the strength it takes to stick with NC. If your AP needs to be told to leave you alone, then do it but make it short.


Once you've had a few weeks of NC the fog you have been living in the last year will start to clear and you'll be able to fight this addiction with more conviction than you've felt in that year. In the meantime, post here as often as you need to. There are so many wonderful people here that will help see you through those tough days.


((Hugs))


MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 7:05pm

Hi


I can see myself in everything you have said here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 9:16pm
missbennett - thank you so much for your response. I have tried NC many, many times, but I am going to keep at it! You are right that it is torment, and I am doing it to myself. Even when I feel hurt b/c of him, I know I have to blame myself since I'm the one who keeps putting up with it. I have been saying lately that it is like an addiction, as you said. I think I am dealing with the stress in my life by leaning on him, which is impossible b/c I don't "have" him. It's a crazy roller coaster but I'm ready to get off!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 9:23pm
greeneyed - wow, 10 years is a long time! I can hardly believe I've been in this as long as I have. I've thought it's over so many times. I could relate to your post as well, I feel like a majority of the time it's me making the effort. Part of the reason is that I know I'm going to hear from him again anyways and I hate the anticipation. I know that is not a good reason to make contact! Sometimes he doesn't respond to emails and that drives me crazy. I do tell him this and then he's sorry and better about it for a while but it all stays the same. I don't know what I expect though, nothing could ever come of it and it's not even that I want it to. I agree with you about the sense of attachment, maybe plain and simple that's what keeps me in it. Anyhow, your story is very inspiring, thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 4:35am

Hi Hanvan


Thank you for comments on my other thread, i dont think i have ever been someones inspiration before, i appreciate your compliment ....I am not sure i can really add to the good advice you have already received from G and mb.


Firstly do not EVER underestimate the power of EA over PA. For women they are usually stronger and more addictive than PA anyway. Any W should be far more scared of an EA affair than a PA. So your reluctance to let go is entirely natural and understandable. i know i havent fully let go yet, it will take a while i am sure there is a good reason why tweenerville is so hard to reach!! Someone knew what they were talking about when they coined the phrase !!


rom what you have said....I would certainly feel that your reasons for having the A stem from being a distraction, to feeling unappreciated, to boredom, i can relate to all of those, great H and kids or

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:26am

Same here...anytime I would be upset about something he was always sorry and then he would do better for about 2 days then go back to his old ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 10:35am

INCOMING!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2009
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 3:50pm
Hi hanvan2.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 5:04pm

Gee wilikas...It's not surprising that you are still yearning for this man, if you are still reading emails which keep


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 8:23pm

"Only an EA"?...what are you talking about?