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|Wed, 04-02-2003 - 6:05pm|
Anyway, when it all hit me, that I could have a new fresh start ahead of me, I kept saying to myself - what was I thinking? What have I been doing? How could I be sitting here thinking all my happiness was over, when really its my sadness and lies that really could be over. How could I have hurt so many people.
Then when I came to write this post - I did a search (as I read in one of the other posts) of my name. There were a few posts to me I had never read and some that I forgotten that were quite powerful. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel so much guilt. I'm scared of being found out. Have people suspected? I'm sure my husband wonders what's happened to me. Why am I always checking my email, etc. Will people find out?
My god, its as though someone has given me a pair of glasses and I can see clearly. I am so sorry for what I have done. Somehow I feel I wouldn't have got to this point without the NC I've had recently from OM. It really allows you perspective.