Remind me please

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Remind me please
17
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 9:16am

As for all of us, there is a big part of this that is an addiction for me. Like craving a cigarette during certain parts of the day for a person quitting smoking, I'm at a very weak moment right now.

I knew it - I've prepared myself for it. XAP is back to work, down the street. We talked every morning before work. We talked off and on all day long during work. My mouth is dry. My anxiety is through the roof. I am reminding myself over and over that I want a real relationship. That he doesn't deserve me, etc. But right now it's just too empty and silent here right now. I won't pick up the phone. Just remind me that this hell is better than what I've been going through. Thank you!

Bodhi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 3:15pm
I know you have got it going on and you don't need some cheater in your life. You are better than that. It took me doing some really humiliating things with xmm to realize what the heck I was doing. I had cried, I stumbled but I did not break (love Whitney Houston). Go and buy her album when you feel weak and listen to it like crazy. I love the song "I wasn't meant to break." That is my anthem and it can be yours also. See this guy knows your game plan. He knows if he stalks you a little and fishes you will break. But you were not meant to break. You can do this. It really helped me to invision xmm laying in bed with his W and doing you know what. I kept that visual in my mind and it empowered me. Every time you get weak just think about him on vacation with his W. Men who are about to leave their W don't take them on vacation. I admire you for the courage you have displayed since NC, please don't fall back into MM web of deceit. You've come to far. You can do it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 4:01pm

I've not heard that song - I'll check it out. Picturing them on vacation certainly does motivate me to never speak to him again - that's for sure. I had actually printed a photo of the two of them together that I found online that helped my reality checks. I tore it up though because I'd written all sorts of nasty things on it (thanks to Dee's almost d-day post!) Plus it didn't seem like a very healthy thing.

Thank you everyone for today. I did it, and I couldn't have without you. I'm leaving for yoga and I do much better when I'm home.

Bodhi

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 8:37am

Sorry I am late, but you made it through the day. Hang in there. It is worth it.


"We only miss what could have been.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 9:40am

Thanks Rather. I did make it. It's like a roller coaster though. Yoga was great yesterday, the evening was fine. This morning I changed up my schedule like Iddy suggested - I didn't come in the office until 8:00 and had an instant panic attack. It's like I'm at the top of the coaster again. I left right away and got coffee and sat at Starbucks with my book for a little while. Got pissed that I have made my office a place that I don't feel comfortable in, came back and I feel a little better now.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 12:32pm

I do like Iddy's idea of changing your routine. I know doing that helped me. You seem like you have adopted that idea well - good for you. Keep changing it up I say !

One thing that I learned is not giving them the "power" by allowing yourself to get as you said "uncomfortable" in your own workspace. That is just as much yours as it is everyone else's who works there. Take back that space, however you want to define it. I think sometimes you have to show yourself yes, you can do this. It might take a while before you are truly comfortable with it, but if you keep it up (the attitude) then in time it will become a part of you.
Be tough and be strong. Use your anger to fuel your forward movement. Sounds so ugly, but you gotta do what works !

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 2:40pm

bandk -

<<>>

Exactly - I play so many mind games with myself. I've had meetings today, which has helped. I've had some waves of emotion, but I keep reminding myself that I DON'T WANT HIM. I don't want someone else's husband to talk to for 5 minutes in the morning before his first meeting. Today is definitely a little better than yesterday.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:30pm

And tomorrow will be better than today and so on and so forth. Just don't let the downs get you too down if you know what I mean. Feeling down is not a failure- it's all part of the process. It's taken me a long time to realize that. As long as you remain no contact, even during down times, your inner self is churning away to create a new you. A "you" that you can be proud of. A you that lives her own life. A you that lives her life in the open and not kept away like some dirty little secret. A you who is free to pursue your passions. You have your life back... it's going to be tough finding your legs again, but you will. Keep coming here. Keep posting. Find those mantras that make you feel better in those down times. And remember, you are not alone. We are here for you- rooting for you every step of the way.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/

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