Reminders - Top Reasons for ending the A

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Reminders - Top Reasons for ending the A
17
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:22pm

Hi All - as i'm struggling through my day today at work, i would love if everyone wrote down a few of their top reasons for ending an A. Good reasons. As i'm a MW, please include reasons that apply to both

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:32pm

1. Able to live in real-life with self respect and integrity.
2. Freedom from the deception and evil I generated and accepted.
3. Ability to give my H, children, friends and loved ones the due respect and love that they deserve from me.
4. the opportunity to change habits and defects that have lead me to this dark place.
5. Life without Fog.

(in no particular order)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:09pm

Hope your day at work gets better Sunshine,


For me there are those reasons both you and Dee listed and one that I was thinking about the other day.


1) Freedom from a relationship with my cell phone.


Oh my how I would look at my cell every few mins. to see if he sent a text or called. I would get so excited if it was buzzing. (I kept it on vibrate most of the time

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:36pm

Oh, yes, empower....I too know how the phone thing is!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 4:08pm

Mickey -

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you feel your health has suffered. I hope you get a quick diagnosis and feel better and healthy really soon. I did want to mention that I just read a post from you in someone else's thread and I was really very impressed with your post. I remember reading other posts from you fairly recently I don't remember exactly when and you were in such a dark place and I was worried about you, but the last post from you I read was just awesome!! It was wonderful advice and you sounded really upbeat and positive. I'm just hoping that means you are doing better.

As far as my top reasons for ending, for me it was the overwhelming guilt. I would tell my xAP that the only time I felt good was when I was with him which wasn't all that often. I too felt like maybe it was affecting my health because I couldn't sleep, my stomach was in knots, I was agonizing so much over what I was doing to my kids. I just couldn't believe I got myself into that situation, but I felt like I loved him so much that I couldn't stop.

I knew what I was doing was so wrong. It was so against my beliefs. For me, it was one of the 10 commandments and a sin I was knowingly committing everyday. I even told my xAP that I felt like the devil brought him to me to tempt me especially since he wasn't a Christian.

I felt like everyone I was around knew what was going on. I was almost paranoid about it. I felt like everyone at work knew and I constantly felt like people were talking about me. I felt like people at my children's school knew because they had talked to someone at work. It was terrible.

Even though I haven't forgiven myself for what I did, I do feel much better and I knew that feeling will continue to get better and better as time goes on.

-Luv




Edited 1/11/2010 9:31 am ET by luvmytwocs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 4:32pm

Luvmytwosc,


I just wanted to say thanks for thinking of me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 5:11pm

Your post about freedom from your

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 5:46pm

Quite interesting how reading all the other poster reasons and finding myself saying, yes, that one too, that's me, I did that.....


Some of my random thoughts of why it had to end:


It was wrong, the quilt was beginning to tear me apart


I began to see that he was not worth losing my H and my family for (he's a nice man, but not that nice)


Despite his declaration - I was not his soul mate nor me his.


His personality had some major flaws that after 3 yrs I just couldn't ignore


I was sick of being tied to my laptop and feared anyone coming close to it. I know my son saw the titles/subject line

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 9:58pm
The talk about our cell phones is cracking me up! I think the stupid cell is what got me into this in the first place! The texting was so fulfilling-it was my quick way to contact him and get an immediate response. We started out e-mailing and I would wait patiently for days to get an e-mail back. When I realized that I could get my response immediately, it was all over. I used to tell him I was hugging him through the phone when I couldn't do it in person. How lame is that?? I too was having an affair with a phone! LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 9:00am

Love this thread!!!!


My top reasons could span many pages but the number one reason is, that I love my husband and my family and sneaking around behind there backs is not a healthy way to show it.


I want to be be the ME that I love and respect and can be comfortable with.


I dont want to be that crazed co-dependent person who lives and dies by the next meet up, text or phone call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 9:07am

I, too, had mostly a relationship with my phone not an acutal person during the A. I hate looking at the damn thing and seeing there's no txt waiting. Or, if there WAS a text and it was a really short one, while i was expecting a long one, i hated that feeling, too. AT one point in the A, near the end, i wasn't pleased with anything xAP could say on text simply because there was nothing he could say that would satisfy me. It was the same old same old words..


Number 1 reason for ending - To not be hidden like some cheap sl*t.


Sunshine

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