Reminders - Top Reasons for ending the A
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Reminders - Top Reasons for ending the A
| Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:22pm |
Hi All - as i'm struggling through my day today at work, i would love if everyone wrote down a few of their top reasons for ending an A. Good reasons. As i'm a MW, please include reasons that apply to both

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For me -- my number one reason --
It hurt more
Amen to everyone about having an A with a cell phone! I never allowed it to leave my pocket for fear of my H becoming suspicious. I am so glad that's over!
There are so many...even tho me knowing i was in a A was short lived...the self degradation would be numero UNO!! I was on this slippery slope....almost completely caught in a vicious cycle of the mess. I was well on my way to years of abuse (most self imposed)...so happy and lucky to have gotten out like i did and when...i think it has made a world of difference in my recovery. i still have a ways to go. a very long way.
I can say that this is the first time I have been so adamant about letting something go, something that i knew that was bad for me...I have always had a hard time letting go, always felt sorry for someone, always felt I could help someone be better, always looked for sum good in anyone, always felt the need to help or save someone, everyone but me....from bad people like my exAP.
I always thought that if i tried hard enough and gave them all I got, they would give me what i needed...that never worked...never, not once, not in any of my relationships with men, hell, with anyone..so this A, as bad as it was, and as bad as it ended. has forced me to look at me.....some self examination etc...
But i am so proud, because I told him as soon as I knew I was P, that if I did not go thru with the P, that I would never see or talk to him again...and I have stuck to my word, for once, I have taken a stand and not let anyone talk me out of it, not let me talk me out of my stand. I really am letting him go...and I am so proud...
sorry for the tangent and rambling, today was a tough day....
I just dont know what I would do without this message board. I have been trying to end an affair now for over 2 months. His wife has found out about it but my husband has not. It truely is an addiction and I need so badly to break this cycle.
I have a wonderful and supportive husband and 2 great kids. My AP isnt someone that I think I would have an open, honest, trusting marriage with so why am I still in it?? My husband has put up with my passive aggressive behavior when Im upset about my AP and take it out on him. My H doesnt deserve that and neither do my kids. I too have sat with my kids and been there in person but with a mind and heart that is a million miles away. I am also tired of the constant tie to my cell phone and checking it so often that people around me notice.
How do I move forward?? My AP is 10 years older, married, over indulges his kids, talks bad about his wife but he is caring, kind and I do love him. But Im so tired of this and need to clean up my life so how do I let all of this go?
Never thought I was even the type of person to allow this affair to happen. I am independent, self assured, strong woman so where did I go wrong??
I look up to each of you that have made it through this fog and moved forward.
Thanks in advance!!
GMLB,
Welcome to the board and may I suggest you start your own thread...If you just want to copy and paste what you wrote here, that would be fine. It will get lost embedded in this thread and I want to see you get help and support from the other posters.
There is no better time than now to end this A. If his wife knows, how has he been treating you since D-Day? Has he stopped contact or is he telling you to hang on until the dust settles? Just keep in mind that any man who would outright lie and betray his wife even after being caught is not worth the time of day. You may think it's flattering that he still wants to be with you, but hurting his W and family like this shows serious character flaws, and do you really want someone like this to remain in your life?
I know I am assuming that you are both still in contact and if I am wrong, my apologies. It's just that D-Day will usually end an A and if said A continues, it will just go deeper underground with more lies and darker secrets. Now is the time to nip this destructive behavior in the bud and tell him you can't do this anymore.
We are here to help you but you first must want to be helped. So again, please start a new thread so the gals on here can offer support and guidance.
We've all BTDT and want to see you get healthy again. Please give us the opportunity to do just that. (((Hugs)))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
I cant thank you enough for getting back with me. It means so much since I am really struggling.
Your reply made me cry because I needed to read what you wrote. Since his wife found out he has been saying "Lets wait for the dust to settle" and "The final chapter hasnt been written on us yet". This week I have noticed a huge difference in him, less texts, havent seen him since he got back from a vacation. He said he was swamped at work but who knows.
I wouldnt leave my husband for him so why am I so upset and distraught? Im a big fan of "suck it up and move on" so why cant I apply the same logic to myself?
And thanks, I did start a new thread in hopes to get more great advice like yours.
Kim
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