rereading
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| Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:50am |
This morning I went back to my original post on June 17 and reread all my posts and everyone's responses. It was 5 weeks ago that XAP left on vacation with his W and I ended it. Today starts week 3 of solid NC. I have felt better and people have commented on my progress, but it wasn't until I went back and read everything that I felt it. Someone posted early on to look at your own posts from an outsider's point of view. I would also recommend for everyone to go back and read their early posts. My feelings are still raw, I'm still scared to be single and I am still struggling to let go of the choke hold XAP has over me. He was so controlling and I was so committed to him. Iddy said in one response to repeat: "I am free to do whatever I want to do. No one has control over me." I'm working on this. I'm also reminding myself that no matter what, contacting XAP is not an option. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for getting me to the point I am right now. I can't believe it took me so long to get here.
Bodhi

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I lurked here for a long time before even responding to any posts. Being a male, in this female dominated board is a little scary at times.
Remembering back to your first posts, I remember you not only being jealous of his wife, but being PO'ed about him going on vacation with her.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Rather -
I think we're all glad you are posting - it helps a lot to get a MPOV.
I was angry, and still am when I let myself think about it. It's actually what fuels me forward sometimes.
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You are so right - some of the small details differ, but the overall picture is the same. I had to smile at your analogy because I'm a graphic designer and generic packaging makes me cringe. :) We all deserve a beautifully designed, bright package of a life.
I'm here for you too. I repeat your signature quote to myself all the time.
Bodhi
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