Resetting the clock
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Resetting the clock
| Wed, 03-02-2011 - 1:59am |
I broke NC, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but i responded to XAP's fishing (knowingly). I'm not going to get into detail because i'm shaking right now and feel nauseous. Just wanted to come to the only place i can turn to, to feel safe, and most importantly hold myself accountable. Oh God, why, why why did i ever have an A? i don't deserve my beautiful children, i don't deserve my H, i am a lowlife, i

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I'm sure you will share details when and if you feel comfortable doing that. But know that we all made mistakes, having the A, breaking NC, responding to fishing attempts- you name it and we have collectively done it.
What makes us survivors is how quickly we realise that we fugged up and how fast we brush ourselves off to start again,
Big breath sweetheart. We are here for you to brush you off, sit you on your bike again and help you power on !!!
Iggy
Kat
V~
Sorry you fell down that slippery slope. You have to wear the right shoes when sludging through that muck.....
So pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and next time grab yourself a V888. Healthy choices, remember?
((Hugs))
Edited to add: Putting yourself down keeps you down. Stop doing that to yourself, okay?
(((Vanessa)))
I know how much you are hurting. Breaking NC hurt you in a couple ways: it tore open that scab of "feelings" for xMM and it also caused disappointed in
V888,
Remember that negative self-talk tears us down and makes us think that we _deserve_ negativity and dysfunction.
OMG. VANESSA.
VANESSA.
#1. regardless of breaking NC which we'll get to LATER.
STOP BEATING UP ON YOURSELF. STOP. THIS IS WHAT THE CYCLE IS ALLLLLL ABOUT HONEY.
Its the very act of SELF LOATHING that keeps us more PRONE to breaking contact again.
While, I GET your feelings whole heartedly.....And have felt them too - It just doesnt HELP you STAY ON COURSE.
You MUST understand WHAT TRIGGERED YOU.
WHAT came right before you said, OK...Ima cave?
WHAT COULDNT YOU HANDLE?
PS.
(((Vanessa))) you will get through this low moment, you really will. But one piece of advice I can give you is, despite how much you want to move past it, try to REMEMBER this feeling. How degraded and ashamed and empty you feel after breaking NC. No "loving" relationship should ever make you feel this way. And just consider that it was the temptation of GOOD feelings that led you here...was it worth it?
One of my biggest struggles in maintaining NC has always been that my mind WANTS me to remember the good feelings that used to come from my A, so that's what has always gotten the better of me--the memory of good times. But if you force yourself to remember just how terrible and small the A can make you feel, like right now, maybe you will be less likely to cave to your exAP's next fishing attempts. I hope this helps :)
HUGS to you Vanessa,
Please know you are a special person...it is great you come here to post and please continue.
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