Respect for those that work with xAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Respect for those that work with xAP
1
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 4:28pm

Ladies -


I just had to express my newfound respect and utter admiration for those of you who work with, or have to frequently see your xAP.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 6:49pm
I'm late to this thread but I just want to add my admiration to those of you who do have to work with your xAP's. I cannot fathom the daily struggle you must endure. It almost makes me feel like I got away easy with xAP living 1000 miles from me. Hugs to all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 9:41pm

Yes, definitely KUDOS to those who work with their xAP!


Thankfully, my xAP got fired 3 months into our affair, so now that its over, I won't have to be around him.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 12:31am

<< I made myself a little "que-card" with 10 instructions to myself as to what I should do in the office to get through each day and would read them every morning>

Dear Gullable,

What a terrific idea for working with an xap in the office, but I see it as a good way even if not in the office. For all of you at home with the kids or many miles away from xap, you can do que-cards too! Reading them first thing in the morning and then throughout the day, and especially during those known weak moments.

I know my weak time of the day was about 2pm, and I don't know how many times I made that call, text, or email from work or home, but if I had had a little reminder, a nudge in the right direction, or just waited a few minutes, that impulsive, addictive, and self-hurt moment would have gone away. Of course, xap was always giddy and so happy to talk to me (ego ego ego driven), but for hours afterwards, I felt miserable, hurt, and always dissected the contact like it was a bad dessert, and he had done or said nothing wrong. It was me!! I made myself feel that way simply by making contact when I knew I was emotionally tied to xap, as he was me, but certainly on the same level. There is fog and then there is another compartmentalized fog which he handled very well.

Yes, working with xap's like so many of you do must be such a challenge and I commend you for keeping NC, as without it, you will hurt hurt hurt even more than you think you do now.

So get those que-cards out and get to work bringing back all of your dignity and power.

NC = No New Hurts

Hugs,
Mish

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 4:48am

Thanks for thinking of us trying to maintain LC with our xap at work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:57am

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 11:14am
When are you are ready to end your A, we will be here to support you. There's a post in the healing library called "Rules for maintaining LC at work" and it is very helpful. It will be important for you to stick to those rules.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 11:27am

Purple,


Read the Healing Library. The thread that SecretlifeofJane suggested is in there too. I will bump it up for you.


When you've ended your A we will be here to support you, so in the mean time, familiarize yourself with the information on this board. Many lurk/read here for a while until they

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 3:52pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 6:30pm
Hi here is what I had in my little que-card and I would read them every morning before going into the office - I even had it laminated :)
1. No more chats and avoid eye contact.
2. Act professional,happy and indifferent.I will fake it till I make it !
3. This is the fight of my life - be prepared for horrible emotions.
4. He is just my paycheck now.
5. Just leave decisively after work - with or without saying goodbye.
6. I will not allow myself to be bothered when I see holidays marked off
in his calendar and I will not question him about it. I will also not
allow myself to be bothered whether he is happy or pissed off or
just ignoring me(Not my problem).
7. No more snooping around for personal information on him.
8. If I feel emotional, I will read this card or go out for a walk.
9. Remember the horror of DD.
10. I will NOT question him or discuss about our relationship again.
11. Call someone I care about just to say Hi each day.
12. Suck it up and LET IT GO !
This has helped me immensely during the early ending stage. I hope this helps. Good luck and (((hugs))).
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 3:34am

gullable thank you soooo much! I am going to print them off and use them myself if you dont mind.


Im honestly thinking of getting some sort of labotomy at this stage