Returned Gifts

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Returned Gifts
12
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:41pm
Came back from a meeting to find an array of little token gifts I had given xAP piled on my desk. He felt the need to return them to me, while I was away from my desk. I just put them in my desk drawer and didn't say a word about it. Looks like he's really trying to get my attention. Felt like I got punched in the stomach.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:59pm

Silverdoe -


Kudos to you for handling such an immature action with such grace and dignity.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 5:04pm

Hi SD,


I have seen some of your posts and wanted to offer a belated welcome to EAS.


I know when I ended my A my T told me I needed to return anything xAP gave to me.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 5:10pm

Silver,


I am a NC gal since I don't have to have any interaction with my xAP but I seem to recall yesterday he was asking you "what he did wrong" and today he's dumping off the gifts. Maybe it's time to go to the healing library and re read the rules for LC?


I am not walking in your shoes but I think talking to him yesterday instead of maybe saying something like "I would prefer we keep our conversations about work only. The personal part of our relationship is over"

I deserve my Dignity.
NC since 2/4/2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 7:00pm

E1-
Is it too late to return the book and the bracelet? It feels like that would just be breaking NC. I cannot throw out that 1st Edition Kafka Bio. It's valuable. but I don't want it and I cant give it to anyone I know without answering awkward questions.

Thoughts?

Deedle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:45pm

Editing my post 02/27/10 to add:

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:03pm
Just stash it out of your sight. No need to start the whole drama about it. It has meaning only if you assing meaning to it. I have a jewelry set and a few cards and some other souvenirs from the x - I put it away when we broke up and don't even exactly remember where.
**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:28pm

Hi GBG,


I was a little confused with your response.


<>


Just for clarification are you recommending that for M women/men? Couldn’t that be dangerous as it could be discovered and hurtful if their H or W finds it especially cards from xAP?


<>


If it has no meaning, why hold on to it?


Big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:46pm

they are not gifts anymore.. they are your possesions that you do not care to keep anymore.. sell them on ebay, donate them to charity.. to your library.. sell to a rare books collector.. whatever you do, do not involve xAP.


--

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:48pm

No E1 I'm not upset at all. We just have different opinions on this subject. For me, I'm able to disassociate the sentiment of these items even knowing where they came from. I do not romance them as I once did when I was in the middle of the affair. Now, when I look at them/wear them they are just pretty pieces of jewelry. I'm not saying that everyone can/should do this but for me it works. Maybe having once worked in the jewelry industry, I have the ability to attach less emotion to the items. Who knows? On the other hand, I DO like your analogy about a broken promise and the ring that promise represented. (Always true to my Libra roots - I can see both sides). {smile}

The affair is ended and that's what is important to me at the moment. It hasn't been easy for me in MANY ways as you know but this one thing is finished. One thing is checked off the list as done. Now to just look forward...one day at a time.

NewDawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 3:16am

When our A finished abruptly we had items we were holding for the other....he had a couple of bottles of bubbly that he offered to return to me... i told him to keep them .. i didnt want them back ..too painful .... i had chocolates from him that i was keeping to share at our next rendezvous.... i gave them to hubby over valentines weekend and he scoffed the lot!! evil revenge!!

returning gifts achieves nothing and seems petty and childish to me...and yes a great excuse to break NC --- NOT.....

JMHO Happy

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

Pages