Revelations on day 3--or I didn't even like him! LOL

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Registered: 03-08-2009
Revelations on day 3--or I didn't even like him! LOL
5
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 7:19am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010

"So, then,

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

Dear Alice!

Wowzers what a message to get off first thing in the morning! It is great to hear you all fired up and facing the cold hard truths about your xAP.

When I read your post, I wondered the following. WHY did Alice CHOSE this? Alice you've made the insight that in spite of how poorly you were being treated, you tolerated it - that you still wanted him to want you. Now you have to get to answer to WHY YOU STILL WANTED HIM TO WANT YOU?

You've not yet arrived at that insight. When you think you have an answer, ask yourself WHY? That takes time to figure out, and for many of us those really deep answers are illuminated with the help of a skilled therapist to help shine the light down our proverbial well that is our own self. This is ALL about introspection Alice. And while you seem to fixate on the relationship between him and him wife and the parenting of THIER children, there's your husband knocking himself out for YOU. It makes me realize just how blinded we are to the affection our own spouses and how all consumed one becomes about a life we have NO BUSINESS sticking our noses into.

Who are you to judge their parenting? Their relationship? You are NOT, nor were you EVER, in his real life. PLEASE START immediately to remove yourself from his life. YOU ARE LOOKING OUTWARD FOR ANSWERS. You seem to be repeating the same thinking but in different ways: it seems to always revolve around looking for reasons to NOT care for him - other than the fact that HE IS MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. Then, if you don't like him enough, or can prove to yourself that he wasn't a "good" person, you will get over this.

What about the simple fact that you are both married people with children?

End of story Alice. You weren't ever going to be together. You will never ever be together. It was wrong. You both took advantage of the people who loved you the most. You may lose the people you love the most if you don't make different choices.

So full circle Alice ... it's great you realized you didn't even like him. The questions to ask yourself THIS time Alice, because remember it is about focusing on you ... is DID /DO YOU EVEN LIKE YOU?

I know I sure didn't like who I had become: a lying, manipulative, anxious, needy, insecure, over-eating to medicate, self-interested MARRIED WITH CHILDREN coward who was colluding with a coward to take advantage of the trusting relationship with HIS COMMITED PARTNER to steal time away with me.

We BOTH were people who became unlikable.

INTROSPECTION ALICE.

((HUGS))

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Hahaha! Alice! This is great! You know what? I'm not sure I would like mine either!!! He doesn't dance, drinks every night, is a big whiny baby about almost everything!!!, and doesn't like animals. Whenever he was around my dogs and cats he totally ignored them. Said he was allergic, or didn't want to get hairy. Couldn't be with a guy like that!!
Good for you Alice!! A breakthru!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009