Is this ridiculous???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Is this ridiculous???
22
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 6:04pm

Hey All -

Hope you had a great holiday! I went back east to visit family I hadn't seen in a long time. It was really great. My H got along so well with everyone. So, here is the ridiculous part...it sort of aggrevated me! Is that weird? I was doing ok as far as xOM goes - hadn't thought TOO much about him, just a little bit here and there, but the more everyone told me how much they liked H, the more I thought about xOM and got aggrevated with H!

Now, it's Tuesday and my friend just called and cancelled our New year's Eve plans! We were suppose to go out w/ her and her H (the 4 of us are very close friends), but they decided they didn't want to go out and are just going to have a quite evening at home. SCREW THAT! (I know, I'm being selfish)

I'm really feeling irritated and annoyed and frustrated and a whole bunch of other emotions that I don't understand. I really want to call xOM, but I know that is wrong and pointless and self defeating, - so I'm posting here instead.

Diva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 7:27pm

Diva

You my dear girl sound rather Jealous of how well your hubby got along with a family you have not seen in a long time, it may come from your feelings of insecurity were your family is concerned.

Don't give this anymore power in your life it is nothing but a emotion with out real power unless you give it power.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:09pm

Free,

Thanks for the feedback! I'm sure you're right. I guess I'm feeling irritated that my family kept telling me how great my H is, but no one told H how great I am! ;-p

Weird that it made me think about xOM though...kinda crappy, actually! To top it off it's a cold, rainy day out, H is working late, and I'm feeling yucky!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 9:13pm

Diva

"Weird that it made me think about xOM though."

Perhaps the emotion triggered a escape reflex and XOM was your escape in the past.

The mind can be retrained to deal with stressful emotions in better ways.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:12am

Free,

You are so right!! Thanks for the support!!

2 weeks today w/NC and I'm not about to lose that!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 1:01pm

Not ridiculous. Seems to me to be normal petty jealousy. You're an actresss, remember? And actresses like attention at center stage. That's what xOM did for you: lot's of attention you craved while hubby was unavailable.


SO this time, hubby was getting the center stage and your mind went back to the place where you were front and center.


May I suggest that in the future as each compliment is paid on your hubby, thank that person and remind them how satisfying it is to you to know that so many other people see in your hubby the qualities that you were attracted to and continue to adore......that way you are on the stage, too.


Don't forget to tell hubby "I love You, darling". No matter what all the others say to him, it's what YOU say to him that goes straight into his heart............


Just one male's opinion on what helps us men stay entirely focused........


cl-nre


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:35pm

Thanks NoRegrets! Your input makes so much sense - I hadn't looked at it that way!

We are going to a party tomorrow night hosted by one of my directors. Everyone who's anyone (in the theatre biz) in this town will be there. I will take your advice :-)

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 3:31pm

Diva,

I don't know if it's ridiculous or not, but a bit puzzling, for sure. Your H meets family and they like him, and instead of being glad, you're irritated! And you start both mentally picking on him and playing up the OM. Why are you doing this? Seriously. Maybe you need to start thinking about that. Why do you keep coming back to this place you really don't want to be in i.e. thinking about, obsessing about, wanting to call, comparing things to, finding deep, signigicant "meanings" to things and tying it to OM, etc., etc., etc. I wonder if it isn't the whole drama of the thing that really appeals to you. Like perhaps you just aren't happy just being ok with no real drama going on. Something to ponder....

Silly

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 5:25pm

Silly,

Thanks for the input, however I don't think it's a drama thing (although I am a drama queen ;-) lol). I think Noregrets was right in the fact that the attention was taken away from me and put on H (I hadn't seen my family in over 10 years and expected a little more than "Your H is so great, your H is so sweet, your H is so wonderful, blah, blah, blah"). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my family like him, but EVERYONE likes him - sometimes, it's a little sickening. H is great - he's your 'typical nice guy'. Sometimes I forget that is why I fell in love with him.

I think part of it too is simple withdrawl. I truly cared about xOM. We shared a huge part of our daily time together and I am still greiving the loss of that.

Looking forward to seeing my T next week, that's for sure!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 11:17am

Hey Diva,

I hear ya on the withdrawal thing. It was a little different for me when I finally ended it for good because my own life was so traumatized i.e. separated from DH, living somewhere else, etc. But I can say that in the past when I tried to end it, I sure went through those feelings. My OM and I had a tremendous chemistry with one another. More so, I must say, than my H and I had. I went through emotions of "is that all there is?" Wondering if I was never going to feel that excitement and whatnot again. Plus, I did miss him a lot at times. He was a port in a storm for me for awhile. But as things got more complicated and worse, I was able to see that he may have been all those things, but the relationship itself was wrong. The lying and sneaking was just too much after awhile.

Silly

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 2:10pm

Silly,

<<>>

Thta's it in a nutshell, isn't it. No matter how amazing it felt, or how wonderful I thought he was, or what kind of connection we had...it was wrong. Thanks!

Diva

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