The Right Thing. . . But it's hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
The Right Thing. . . But it's hard
6
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:02am

I left my marriage two months ago. Since then, i feel my MM has felt increasing pressure to figure out what to do with his own 8-year unhappy marriage. Things came to a head over the Easter weekend. He has asked that we stop our physical relationship while he takes on a period of self reflection and soul searching to see what he should do.

While i was initially taken back by this sudden turn of events, in the last few days, i have realized his step is a healthy way for him to figure out his situation. We have been in phone contact since this was proposed on Monday (i am out of town). I know when i get home, if he tries to see me or be physical with me, i must say no. This will be terribly hard for me as our physical relationship over the last 6 months has been extremely rewarding for me, after being in a touchless, loveless marriage for 18 years. BUT I MUST STAY STRONG ON THIS. IT'S ALL I CAN DO. I am considering proposing to him that we have NC for 3 or 6 months. We have a meeting date sometime in the future. This will give him time to sort thru his feelings, issues and will give me the same time as well. If we are truly meant to be together, another 3 or 6 months won't matter. I just think this might be easier that listening for a phone that no longer rings as much as it once did; or the loneliness of my house during the times we used to be together.

Only time will tell. I cannot spend my days struggling over him, worrying about his process. I must also take this time to try and get myself in order. If when all is said and done, at the end of the day we are together, then we both will be the better for this time spent.

I need to respect his process and continue on with mine. I sound stronger than i feel right now. But i know this is an important step he has taken to make right in his life what has been wrong. I will either be with him at the end of this--no sneaking around, no lies, no deception--or i will be open and free to get myself in order, make myself whole again and move on with my life.

After being in my marriage for 18 years, i am excited about the prospects for my future. With or without MM, i will be OK.

Clarice.

ps: now that this second A of mine is reaching a head, i absolutely swear if i ever see a MM coming my way, i will run for the hills. Being in an A is only something you can understand if it has happened to you. It's, by far, one of the most painful experiences of my life.

Now that push has come to shove, the future looks bright, no matter what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 6:47am
At least one of you is doing the right thing. Too bad MM was the one to suggest it. It would have been easier on you if you had thought of it first. If you love this man, bud out so he can have a non-interference view of his marriage.
Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 9:01am

"Now that push has come to shove, the future looks bright, no matter what. "


Clarice,


Please take

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:01pm

sun: i have suggested it many, many times. Also, it was me who suggested to him last week that he take some time to get his thoughts together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:05pm

Yes, noregrets. . . it is exhilirating. Thanks for reading my post and replying.

Good luck during tax time. Hang in there.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 3:47pm
Why on earth would you trade one unavailable man (the one in your "touchless, loveless" marriage) for another one?
Sanguine
Sanguine
Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 5:46pm
Your thoughts sound good to me, Clarice. Just don't be suprised if YOU decide you don't want HIM after 6 months! :-)
All good wishes and hopes,
Alice