RIP happyandyet
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RIP happyandyet
| Fri, 07-16-2010 - 2:33am |
Hi All,
After a rollercoaster 15month A where my equilibrium has been well and truly OUT,
| Fri, 07-16-2010 - 2:33am |
Hi All,
After a rollercoaster 15month A where my equilibrium has been well and truly OUT,
NC,
I like your new moniker. I thought at first it was a new poster and was thinking, "What a cool name" and then see that you had changed yours. Very positive and affirming.
You are taking all of the right precautions in blocking Xmm but how was his W able to call you? Does she know you? Did she call your house? Just be careful if this was the case. She could still try to seek out your H.
I'm sorry your A ended with a D-Day because 9 times out of 10, the OW is always thrown under the bus. The XMM chooses his family not just because of the kids, but the fear of losing all they have acquired in the marital union looms over their heads too. Just like us, they conduct their A's in a bubble too, thinking they will never get caught. Once the bubble pops, the reality of their actions scares the !@#$!$! out of them.
Looks like you should make your first goal one where you reach 22 days of NC, and then you will feel more confident that you can keep going, healing, and getting back to the gal you were before you took that Nestea plunge. You will still be on an emotional roller coaster so hold on tight. Just know that we are here for you when things get tough/rough as there will be days you will wish you had never gotten on this ride to begin with.
Hang in there. We are rooting for you.
~Iddy~
Hi
Welcome. I'll have good thoughts for you, and hope you stay NC and have no D day. I think it is easier that way, without the added heat of hurting your H and the consequences.
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.-- Reggie Leach
Now is the time to work on yourself, and your H for your own well being.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Hi Iddy,
W knew of me thru previous 2 minor Ddays that he bluffed his way thru. (sporting and professional acquaintance), but no real family/mutual friends to speak of.
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Hi NC,
I read through your post and felt similarities in our situation, again driving home to me that my A was no different than many, even though xMM said we were soulmates and we'd be together.
BTDT with the wife, and to date, she has not called my H. I did meet with her (not my best decision) but felt obligated because we live in same town and xMM used to work with me, but mostly was scared out of mind that if I didn't she would go straight to H and my M would be over. My T said my marriage probably wouldn't end as a result of the A, but I was afraid to take that chance.
Block all forms of communication so you aren't tempted to contact xMM. You don't want his W contacting your H. HE isn't worth the risk of one last text or phone call. I blocked all forms of communication for me so I would not be tempted and also did not want to hear from xMM's W with more questions.
xMM never told his W that if our two families split we would be together, but he always told me THAT, but when it came right down to it, he buckled and stayed in his 26 year marriage. I said all along I would leave my marriage, was taking steps towards D, but when it came right down to it, would I have really left?
All I had to do (see below)was change the number from 23 to 25 and that would also be me.
<>
I too know that xMM's W will fight for her marriage since she told me.(xMM got caught twice, we stayed away for a couple of months but started up again)
YES, my life is simpler now because I don't have to worry about my phone going off with a text from him. I'm not waiting for the morning phone call and not constantly rearranging my life so xMM could give me only minutes of his time.
My kids are happier, my H is happier, I'm somewhat happier. I'm still sorting through all that I need to fix so I won't go down this road again. I am dissatisfied with my life's direction and achievements (perhaps lack thereof..) and of course the 50th bday didn't help either, though this has been building for a couple of years now.
I'm here to help with support and make sure you got to 6 weeks. I'm routing for you!!
MovingOn
MovingON
Hi Moving
You were so brave to talking with W, even if it wasnt your best decision, i would have felt physically sick having to do tht i think.. mnd you if she contacted me and asked i probably would do it, but i have no inclination to talk to her really.
I know my H suspected an affair ( although ironically he had picked the wrong ( entirely innocent) person !! as he has never met xAP), but even though a couple of opportunities have come up where maybe i could have broached the subject for my own peace of mind, i just cant place that hurt and upset on his shoulders and , yes i would be terrified
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Hi NC2010,
Thanks for the 'pats' on the back, but I was not brave. I was scared out of my mind that xMM's W would go to my H, so that is why I agreed to meet with her. It was very humiliating to admit to things I had done. Sigh. But that is in the past and whatever she needed the information and validation for I hope it helps her in their M. Prior to the meeting, xMM told me it was over, never going to be us and that he didn't love, but that was with W standing next to him when he was on the phone. I never made comments, just listened. I said okay and hung up before the tears fell. If felt staged, but I have to remember the tone of his voice and tell myself he did mean it and respect that he wanted to work on his M.
I do understand your situation. My H works a lot especially during the week where he puts in very long days and travels. He is spent in his job physically and emotionally and very little left over for me. We don't talk during the day and only sometimes when he is out of town, so for years I thought to myself, I need him around for just as paycheck since I take care of home, 4 kids and still work part time.
I am starting to verbalize how I feel and now asking for him to touch base when he's on the road and let me know how he is doing. Last night we had a date when I got out of work and went to movie at midnight. I think we were the oldest couple there, but it was fun though. I could barely keep my eyes open when 2:30 AM rolled around.
So true! Children and responsibilities (and H) came before xMM. My kids are 22, 18 and our youngest girls (identical twins) will be 13 in October.
I am glad you are grasping the concept of 'fake it until you make it' and that is something too I need to take full advantage to get me through the next few weeks.
Always TAKE CARE OF YOU!
MO
MovingON