Ripples

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Ripples
1
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 1:00am

Today I did something stupid and it immediately affected my life. I talked to xmm today. It was a nice conversation, or so I thought at the time but when I got off of the phone I realized that he had suggested a few inappropriate things which I quickly laughed off. Now thinking of it I am upset I can't believe that he tried to see if I would fall for anything again. (I didn't, so progress there).

The problem that is bothering me is that the rest of the night I did nothing but fight with my DH. Nothing he could do or say was right. I couldn't even tell you what would have made me happy. Just another reenforcement of why I need to hang up when it is XMM on the line. All I get from him is unhappiness and dissatisfaction. I am sorry for being mean to DH. He makes me feel even worse by being so understanding and telling me I am under so much pressure from work. I feel guilty and ashamed that I could treat him so badly.

Dr. Phil said something to the effect that happiness comes from living your life so that you are supporting your life's purpose, and when you are not in line with that purpose you are not happy and have all kinds of problems in your life. I have come a long way and am more determined then ever to stay on the right path and steer clear of XMM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
In reply to: jstmekc
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 6:55am

I understand your experience completely. It's almost like the existance of a secondary reality i.e your positive interaction with you XMM created an unintentionial sense of "lack" in your primary world. Mainly, I guess, because that fork in your (our) roads should never have been taken in the first place. However, "we are where we are" and every once in a while the inconcruity comes back to haunt us. The one good thing is that now you (we) KNOW where we are....

Peace and ((((HUGS))))to you as we continue to share our healing journey.

ARTIST