Rock Bottom

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Rock Bottom
26
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:19am

Alright, I finally have nothing to say.

Except I just hit rock bottom emotionally.

I cant stop crying.

I am going to do NOTHING to try to stop this pain - as it pours out of my soul.

Its over. Its REALLY over. Its JUST OVER.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:38am

Michelle,

be there in the moment and don't run from it. be present with your pain. sit with it, accept it. it will not last forever. it will not annihilate you.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:58am

:(

i am.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 1:18am

Aw Michelle....

this was coming baby...you knew it and I knew it...you are so new to NC that it had to catch up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 1:26am
Michelle I feel your hurt, big hugs to you and know healing vibes are being sent your way as the pain leaves you <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 6:22am

(((Michelle)))

Big hugs to you, sweetie. I have to tell you I am relieved to see you post this. You came out of the gate so fast and so strong--which is totally awesome--but sooner or later the sadness was going to come. It's just part of the process and there's no way around. You've just go to move through it in order to heal effectively.

I agree with the others, just let the sadness come, let the tears fall. You have suffered a loss and it's alright to feel pain and sadness. You're gonna be okay.

Warm Hugs,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 7:31am

(((Michelle, my belle))

((Hugs))), honey. Those of us farther along *know* the piercing reality of truth when it finally hits its mark. As others have said, cry, mourn, and cry some more. Those tears are very cathartic and cleansing. You can only forge ahead for so long until you run out of steam, and your gage has finally hit empty. :smileysad:

The good news is that once your tears run dry, that should be it for a while...hopefully forever...over this JAM and your shattered dreams. It hurts like the dickens, but honey, it will pass. You will rise from the ashes and begin again, stronger and wiser.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 7:51am

Dear Michelle,

I too am relieved you have gotten in touch with your emotions. Intellectualizing the ending can only take you so far, and in my opinion, intellectualizing probably allowed you (and me) to enter into & stay in our affairs. I've said it before that it's not our hearts that get us into trouble, it's our justifications & rationalizations - the tools of intellectualizations.

But knowledge is embodied, ykwim? The grief, the loss, the hurt, the disappointment - all those FEELINGS reside within the body only made sense through the language in the mind. Crying will help release it from your stored memory.

Forgive yourself Michelle for Feeling it. I know that's not easy to do. I know you've fought hard to keep the emotion away - hey, even the form of therapy you chose doesn't allow for a feeling/healing space. It's why I don't think CBT alone can help the hurts heal.

And hey, maybe that's where we can come in. Maybe here you can get out all those other thoughts/feelings & emotions that you're precluded from sharing in therapy. It's okay to just put "it out here" without having to instantly re-frame. I'm not sure if I am being clear. I only know that given all that you've experienced in your life, there can be fear that your hurt will swallow you alive if you let it ... so lots of energy is spent *guarding the gate* so to speak.

But you know what? You're bigger than your hurt. The hurt isn't happening to you now. The healing is happening now. You're safe, loved and on your way ...

((hugs))

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 7:58am

michelle,

i am thinking of you today.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 8:07am

New LIfe,

I am sorry that you are having a bad time this am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 9:39am

Big (((((HUGS))))), Michelle-

Yes, you've been running so hard and fast out of this A, but it really was just a matter of time before the pain caught up.

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