Roll Call

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Roll Call
41
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 12:00pm

Good Monday morningSmile

Time for a roll call.  Post in, let us know you are here--how long you've been out of your affair and how you are doing on a scale of 1-10 and why :)

(((GROUP HUG)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 1:09pm

Okay. I'll start. I'm RevBreeze..out of A a little over 6 months..n.c. (not as long..don't remember, really). On a scale of 1-10. I would say I was feeling like a 7 for a couple of months..than wham..received a drunktext and info through mutual friends that set me back to a 3 for about a week. I obviously was not as far out as I had imagined myself to be. I have been journaling like crazy..and trying to really look at all the blessings in my life..and managed to work through this latest crazy trigger. So..I'm going to say (drumroll please)

6!

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 1:13pm

Birdsong here. Out 13 1/2 months now. Have been doing pretty well--probably a 9, really. A little less this week because I know I will see xAP this weekend (we're both playing at a benefit concert), and I'm hoping I won't be too affected. It has caused me to think about him a lot more this week than I have been doing,and to ask myself those second-guessing kinds of questions I thought I had left behind. Each pang is like the after-effects of maybe an old injury--that's what I tell myself--ghost pangs. I know perfectly well that I did the right thing, but every so often the old fantasy rears its ugly head. I know it will pass. But if you would send me a few good thoughts so that I will be awesome performing this weekend and proud of myself and keep my head up--I'd appreciate it. Love to all, Bird

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 1:39pm

-that's what I tell myself--ghost pangs.

I think you hit the nail on the head..I like that.ghost pangs..I kept reminding myself the past couple of weeks that the A was like being involved with a phantom lover...now you see him, now you don't! Don't want to go there again!

You are going to be awesome this weekend. Enjoy it...( and know we are here to telepathically support you)

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 4:29pm
Hey everyone, coming out of a 2 year Affair, 24 days NC today, and for the most part have been doing ok, feeling stronger, but, last night I had a moment. Decided to go online and look (stalk) at the site I met AP on and low and behold, he's active again and looking, ugh! So I guess you could say on a scale of 1to 10, I'm about a 4 or 5. I don't know why I looked, and I wouldn't recommend stalking behavior to anyone, only sets you up for more hurt! I SO badly want to write and tell him what a jerk he is, how angry and sad I am that I meant nothing to him but an ego stroke, but I will not stoop so low as to give him satisfaction of my contact. Let him keep looking in empty places to fill his void, I'm glad and relieved that it won't be me hanging onto the crumbs anymore! I'm working very hard on ME for once, trying to reconnect with my husband & family, it just doesn't matter what the hell he does with his life now!

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 5:34pm

I haven't heard from him in 4 days and I haven't contacted him in about 12. I was doing well, probably about an 8. I still think about him, but no longing to be with him like I used to. I am becoming more clear in thinking after reading all of your advice and realizing it is a lot of time and energy spent on something that is going nowhere. Today, I'm a 2 overall, but nothing to do with the A. I took my 6 year old to see the Globetrotters and he was one of the people to get hit with the water. We left with him in tears and saying it was the worst day ever and went back to our car drenched in 15 degree weather! I am still stewing about it!

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 6:21pm

Sorry, Tam, your 6-year-old got doused with water turning your 8 into a 2.  What's up with that?  How did water get doused about?

Congratulations on your 12 days NC.  You're chosen to accept that it was not going anywhere.  Way better than holding on to nothing.  Good choice Wink

Don't forget to tell me how your son got wet...I'm dying living to know.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 6:24pm

From a 7 to a 3 to a 6!  I think that's a pretty good comeback, myself, RB Smile 

Keep on journaling it out.  So much better than rattling around your brain.  

Keep on taking the time to acknowledge your blessings.

In other words, keep on keepin' on Laughing

((hugs))

Clarity 

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for Nowaynonownvragain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 6:55pm

Hi Clarity!!!

I'm 15 months out of my two and a half year affair!! Most days I'm a 10.....yesterday I went with a girlfriend to a mall that is by his house. I've been avoiding going there for 15 months! I finally agreed to go yesterday with my friend.....I was fine when we were in Nordstrom (only because I know they don't shop there) but when we ventured out into the mall I became a little panicky!! And honestly, that surprised me. Anyway, I survived it and there were no sightings of Xmm or his W. 

I'm not on here much anymore.....not because I don't want to be but because of all the changes Ivillage has made it is sometimes difficult to get logged in and stay logged in. My frustration with them has not lessened!!

((HIGS)) to you my friend.....

NoWay

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the rose flower sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~unknown

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 7:39pm

Awww BK...sorry you had to take a hit.  Please, don't do that anymore...It does you no good....no good at all and only sets you back, but I figure you realize that now Wink.  

Don't forget, too, that we all were ego strokes for each other and everyone was filling a void for someone...we are all guilty.

I'm glad you realize that we can learn to fill those voids with healthier endeavors.

Stay out of the stalker mode, and maybe we can crank that number to a...6...maybe? :)

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 7:44pm

Hello helloe-

Still here , although not very often anymore.  I am Angieatpeace (Formerly heatacheafter7years).  I am 3 and half years out of my A. 

I am at an 8 right now, but a 10 as far as affair recovery is concerned.  I would be a 10 overall but I am still processing the end of my 16 year M and have a custody conference tomorrow where I am requesting my STBXH have supervised visits only with our kids due to his alcoholism.  ( Last week I caught him with an open beer in the car while driving  our kids to their science fair!!)  It takes a lot for me to stand up against him because of his previous intimdation, but I am stronger now and no longer afraid of him.

 

Formerly heartacheafter7years

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