Roll Call

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Roll Call
41
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 12:00pm

Good Monday morningSmile

Time for a roll call.  Post in, let us know you are here--how long you've been out of your affair and how you are doing on a scale of 1-10 and why :)

(((GROUP HUG)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 11:52am
Hello! Miss is here and sadly is so behind on everyone's story and status, what newbies are here, etc so I am glad for this roll call - I will try to read through it and catch up with you all :) I am out of the 'original' A for almost 20 month now. There has been no significant contact since May 2011, just a few stray messages the last of which was sent by me in August. So I am doing well on the contact thing but I still think about him! A lot. especially when times get tough in my life, things flare up, my mind goes there - it is like an escape, some kind of dulling remedy for the 'real' stuff that is bugging me. I actually have come scarily close to making contact quite recently and I will post about that separately, I think...I realize I may need a boost again... Things are bad at home with H. The combination of all things kinda puts me at a 3:( Oh I have been out of that A since May 2011 but I was in a rebound until September 2011. A-free since then with the exception of some non-physical communication with certain people that are probably 'inappropriate' to communicate with, but, I have been using it as sort of a weaning drug periodically. Because I still have urges for attention, and contact.
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 12:09pm

I'm sorry he fished...upsetting your progress and that you responded with a drive-by, reducing yourself from an 8 to a 7.  I'm sure you are through with that.  You sound upbeat, regardless.  

I look forward to your arrival to Vetville (May 8th), and hopefully you'll be blowing in a 10...or at least close to it.  

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 12:14pm

Well that is just plain rude!  Makes ME angry because if I got wet...or if my hair got wet, there'd be hell to pay.  I'd like to find those in charge, line them up and give them a Stooges slap!  Glad your husband is following through...good guy.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 12:32pm

Glad you hear you are keepin' on keepin' on :)

You got yourself into one tight spot, but you've been handling the situation well.  Your situation is a true reminder of not only being careful who we invite into our lives, but also how close we invite them in.

I hope, over time, that this creepazoid becomes bored by your non-responsiveness...and just leaves you and your loved ones alone.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 2:34pm

Hey Miss :)

Sorry to hear about your 3 and that things aren't going too well with your H and so you keep reminiscing back to a time when you thought things with an xaffair partner made things better.  Maybe a little reframing is in order?...as in keep in mind how it did not make things better for those who were missing out because of your undivided attention and focus.

Isn't there something...anything else...that can sooth your mind and soul?  Taking a 'take me away' Calcon bath comes to mind...lol  No seriously, I know your plate is full...maybe you can get those food items to schooch down and make room for something that gives you a sense of purpose...something all your own that gives you a sense of inner accomplishment to take away the unhealthy need for attention from others?

Thankfully, even when the urge strikes, you are not making contact...you apparently understand where that will lead you...down the road to perdition...and you don't need that kind of attention for sure.

Please stay close to the Boards, Miss...for strength and resolve.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2013
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 3:28pm

Hey everyone!

Today makes 33 days out of the affair. I would have to say I am at a 5. Give or take depending on the day. I have no desire to contact my XAP and I am glad about that but I hate that I think about what would happen if hecontacts me. I guess that is normal, right?  Having to hear about him because of our work situation has weighed on me. I do believe I could be a littlefurther if not for that.  It is just not something I have control over.  Something I believe would help me and maybe others are stories of what people did after their A to help build their self esteem and confidence back. I feel like mine took a huge beating.  Any suggestions would be great!

Hugs

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 4:56pm

Hi Wideawake :)

I guess it's normal to feel confident that you won't fish, but a little worried about your own response if they come a fishin'.  

What you have to do is make yourself strong in the meantime...get yourself to the place where he can fish all he wants...that hook is going to come up empty...because you've been doing the hard, judicious work it takes to get to your core issues and addressing why you would behave in such a destructive manner and put yourself in harms way, and because of the hard work, you are starting to love yourself again and regain your sense of self worth and self-respect...and further participation with JAM is not in your best interest and harmful to your health.  That's where you want to be.  Therapy, the Baggage Reclaim site, our Healing Library, self-help books...they all help with the ways and means to get there.

Congratulations on your 33 days...that's awesome!

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 5:18pm

MPV...still here and hangin' in.

I'm 21 months out of the A and NC.  I am mostly doing good, but I have my challenges.  On the whole, I'd put myself at an 8.  I'd be at a 10, but still working at the same company with her puts her in my periphery from time to time which causes me some tsuris. I am lucky, and grateful, that I don't have to see her, but still it drags up stuff that I'd rather not dealing with. 

I have tons of respect for anyone that has to work day-to-day with their XAP or maintain LC.

MPV

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 5:52pm

Hey MPV :)

I have to think that an 8 in an LC situation is pretty good.  I'm with you, I admire anyone who can maintain in an LC situation...even if they are just in the periphery, like you.  

I'm glad you are doing mostly well, still hanging out here and posting in.  

((hugs))

Clarity 

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:54am

Hi All

I'm 1 year out of my A. We worked together many years and had a 3 year long A,  I resigned after 10 months of LC. Feel much better after leaving the scene of the crime.

Have not heard a peep from him after it ended, apart from a cryptic message on my farwell card the day I felt my old job - that slowed my healing a little because I was trying to figure out what it meant and tried to read between the lines - after a while i dropped trying to figure out something that meant nothing as he was just an emotionally stunted, not to mention physically stunted individual :-))).... LC ended in Septemeber - which means I am full NC for around 4 months. Love my new job and have never looked back!!!

I'm now Learning to face my demonds instead of looking for a distraction.

On a good day I'm 10 and very grateful I found my way out. On a bad day, I'm around a 5. Bad days a far a few between, and are never as bad as how I felt while in my A  - so it aint half bad being me anymore.

WGO

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth