Roll Call

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Roll Call
41
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 12:00pm

Good Monday morningSmile

Time for a roll call.  Post in, let us know you are here--how long you've been out of your affair and how you are doing on a scale of 1-10 and why :)

(((GROUP HUG)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 8:45am
Hi! I ended my almost 2 year affair on 29th March last year. I would say I am an 8 most days, nothing to do with my A, I am over that, it's just life in general that stops me being a 10. In terms of being over my A I am a 10 in that I don't have any particular feelings about it any more other than regret over my actions and the desire not to make the same mistakes again, but I have no fond feelings towards xAP, I don't miss him, I never want to have anything to do with him again. I no longer worry about him fishing, because I am almost certain that he's got the message that I will never be available to him again, so he won't waste his time trying to get in touch with me. Love, Soglad x o x
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 11:12am

Mornin' Soglad :)

So glad to hear that at most times you are an 8.  And even wondering if a 10 is attainable or even sustainable.  

I tend to think life is a balancing act.  Some days we might feel like a 10 or some days we might feel like a 5...as long as we don't ever feel like number 2...hah.

Staying centered is the key.  You sound centered and so glad your affair is behind you.  Regrets...a part of life.  I have plenty myself.

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 6:38pm

Hi, I am readytomoveon. It has been 18 months out of the A for me and as far as the A, I probably float between an 8 and a 10. Mainly because I still struggle with how much I hurt for my family. But we are getting there. My H has more good days than bad and we are closer than we have ever been.

I have come to expect that life will go up and down and have also come to appreciate the moments when life does sit at a 10, due to the times when life sits down with the 2's. I guess if we lived at a 10 all the time, it would be easy to forget the times we have struggled to get above the 5 mark. As much as I don't like being low, I find it is often when I do the most growing. And thankfully I have become much better at navigating the lower end of the scale and often don't sit down there for very long anymore.

RTMO

The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 7:58pm
Hello! I am here, still trying to accept the change of the format of the boards. (I really hate change). I have been out of it (Look to the left...yes...right there on the left side of this post and you will see when I registered...plus two weeks). I am doing so amazing! I will put myself at a 12+. As I continue to stop the thoughts the lessen and lessen. Acceptance that the A was only a fantasy propelled by only me was a huge lifesaver. Thanks Clarity for doing a Roll Call. I have missed these. :)
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 8:21pm

Hi RTMO

I think you are right about having to experience some lows in order to appreciate the highs.  Is that what the whole yin yang thang is all about?  One can't exist without the other?  

Anywho, I'm so happy to hear that things are going well.  It's been a long and winding road...for you and your family.

You sound like you are in a good place and that your hubby is there with you most times now...awesome.  And fluctuating between an 8 and a 10...fabulous, daarlink.

*licking fingers*...just finishing up my last candy bar...sent by special D.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 8:38pm

Sure as shootin', there will always be someone who just HAS TO color outside the lines! :D

End affair - check.  Do some introspection - check.  Learn lessons - check.  Post in a 12+ - check!  Gotta love ya, Pro!

I'm glad I did a roll call too.  Nice for everyone to introduce themselves and give us an update.

I might have recorded your NC date incorrectly.  I thought you were scheduled to arrive in Vetville on 2/16/13....let me know.

Big ole (((HUG)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 8:56pm

Hey WGO

You sound great! I am so happy you love your new job.  Isn't it strange how things can work out.

Glad you stopped wracking your brain trying to figure out his message...why bother wasting precious energy necessary for facing those demons.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
In reply to: PACDOVER
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 5:36pm

Hi, BK.

Some years ago soon after left my first husband, I read a lot of John Gray's Mars & Venus stuff in an effort to better understand the things that are important to men.  It seems to me that immediately dating is common after a LT relationship, probably to soften the blow and help prop up a sagging ego.  They appear to be simply rebound activities.

Cyber stalking seems to be a normal response after an A ends, so go easy on yourself - but no doubt finding what you'd hoped you would not was a lesson hard learned.  Rare is the day when we do not hurt ourselves, and ourselves alone when we cave in to "checking".  This is why it's so vigorously discouraged. 

24 days on a 2-yr A is still early - give it time and be kind to yourself in the process.  I highly recommend therapy with the best therapist you can find in your area (ask around and beat the bushes for that person - there are so many "so-so" counselors out there).  I did, and have been rewarded greatly for looking hard for her.

As for the relationship with your H, if it was good to begin with, you should be able to get back there.  But if he has issues, your H needs to go to therapy too.  I've been in T for a few months now with my H.  Oddly enough, ending my A gave me the courage to insist on it.  My H is angry and insecure.  Simple conversations escalate so easily and there is more shouting than peace in our home.

Anyway, I urge you to undertake a plan now to get you back to being well.  Good luck, BK.

((HUGS))

PAC

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
In reply to: wClarity
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 12:30pm
Hello, Been out of my A over three years. I am great. It was a long hard road and but for EAS and people like my Claire bear, Iddy, Dee and TU...Angie, Ratherbeme and a host of others...I would still be a mess... I do not have extra special women powers, I just wanted the bleeding to stop...and I humbled myself to listen to others and slowly but surely it worked...I am A free
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 1:52pm

Huh?  I so thought you had extra special woman power!  But if you say not, then not.  Apparently you must have found that special woman in there...and felt she was worth saving.  That's pretty much what it's all about, I figure.  Realizing we are special, and loveable, and desirable...in our own right...and we don't need anyone to validate that.

Bless you for finding and saving her.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board