Roll Call and Introductions
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| Fri, 04-09-2010 - 7:34am |
Good morning ladies and gents (if any are around),
I thought it was time to re-introduce ourselves to the board so others know who's who around here. Please tell us a little bit about yourself, how long you've been out of your A, and perhaps one important lesson you have learned so far. I'll go first.
Hi, my name is Iddy. I used to be Id-Diosyncrity for those who would like to read my very first posts. I've been on EAS for almost 6 years now, ending my A just before I started posting. I work with Xmm 'still' and we are both way past our indiscretion that started in 1999 and ended for good in 2004. He is still my boss but we pretty much run the business together. We had to lay off many people over the years with just the two of us left in the office. Unfortunately for me, the lay offs began in 2004 and I went through a very difficult healing period of about 2 years due to just the two of us working all day long together. Time has been on my side though, and now Xmm is busy with another business that takes him out of the office most of the day. Amen!
The most important lesson I learned through all of this is that messing around with an unavailable man was the darkest road I ever traveled. I have been through 2 divorces and never experienced this kind of emotional torment. I had a late in life affair, starting right after my youngest child left for college. This gave me loads of free time to muck

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Hi all
Secretlifeofjane lead me to this forum.
igs, welcome to EAS. There are many wise and experienced women here for you to lean on and who will support you during this very painful and difficult period of your life.
Hi always = thanks for your response
Yes thats eaxctly what annoys me. Why cant I just walk away- at the moment its so 'nothing' that my day to day existence would be barely any different. Except I wouldnt look at my phone every 5 seconds to see if he has texted. The last few times we have caught up- it hasnt been very enjoyable either- I feel like I have to watch what I say in case I seem too needy/moody/clingy etc.
What stops me is the memory of what was- and what may be. I keep thinking next month when he has more time, or next month when he sees Im not clingy, or next week when he isnt feeling so tired.... we will go back to what we had.
I just find it hard to acceopt that he could be into me one day, so atentive and then so... distant and cold. How do they do that?
How do I get past that?
IGS
I know EXACTLY what you mean. My xap was the same way. So incredibly attentive in the beginning. Then it began to wane. That's when I found myself wanting/needing/craving more attention from him. I would almost never initiate contact because I never wanted to appear needy or clingy or want him to know how often I was thinking of him (we were LD). I didn't hear from him for three weeks one time and I was going crazy wondering what had happened. Turns out nothing, except he was busy at work and his everyday life. So the initial thrill and all-consuming thoughts of one's ap that occur in the beginning of the A are soon replaced by one's every day real life thoughts and activities. Once the A has been consummated and the intial thrill is gone, we are asked to sit in the back seat. We will never again be allowed to ride shotgun.
Affairs are just a fantasy. The "feelings" you think you have for xap are also just a "fantasy," as in an escape mechanism. Try to figure out what it is you're hiding/escaping/running from. Try to figure out precisely what it is you are craving/needing/wanting from xap and see if there is a healthy alternative. This is not easy work and I'm not suggesting it is. It takes a lot of introspective. Keep a journal. (I use journalonline because I don't want to leave anything written lying around the house.)
IGS,
Welcome to our community and thanks for introducing yourself. One thing you wrote resonated loudly for me because I had hope too, (which would be better described as "false" hope) that things would get better the longer I hung in. After 2 endings and then
~Iddy~
Hi Iddy
Gosh that was such a great reply thank you!!!! You are spot on- I am trying hard to work out what void he is filling- and then find other ways to fil it myself.
I am definately helping him cope with his marriage while he doesnt do anything for me at all= just makes me feel used.
I really do want to move on- I just cant seem to let go just yet. I am feeling better every day though and will use this site immensely in my journey.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi,
I'm new here, but have lurked for ages, have been on MAS for a little while, but mostly lurked there too.
I'm M, my AP was not M
Dear Taken,
Welcome to the board, honey, and thank you for coming forward and introducing yourself. This is a big step for you because you are now bringing your secret to the surface and confronting it. Lurking is what many of us have done before we finally
~Iddy~
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