Roll Call and Updates

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Roll Call and Updates
35
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:14am

Dear Enders,



It's been a while since there has been a thread on whose who and what's what. ;-) I thought it was time to reintroduce ourselves and let the other posters know a little more about you. I'll go first:



I started posting here on EAS in 2004 shortly after I had officially ended my A for the 3rd and last time. I had started out on the Allsides Board and slowly worked my way over here, once I had acquired the knowledge, strength, and desire to want to help other OWs

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 8:26pm

Hi. I mostly lurk here and may have even posted a few times but I don't believe I have told my story.

I am a S female that became involved with a MM. We worked together and I knew he was married but separated. I came to know him through work and he revealed that he had lived separately from his W for 3 years (different states). He invited me to dinner and after spending time with him outside of work I felt a HUGE connection to him. At any rate I learned through knowing him on a personal level that he was not being honest with his wife about dating/etc. and that the reason they lived separately was due to their jobs. I half heartedly attempted to end things when I realized the true situation. I basically never stuck to it and it was easy to forget his situation because he lived alone and we basically dated like "normal" people without sneaking or hiding or watching where we went.

Fast forward to July when his wife decided to move to where he lives. I honestly was thrilled because you can claim to be unhappily married and DO NOTHING to remedy it when your wife lives 6 hours away. I felt it was the universe stepping in and he could no longer have the single life and remain married. So here I am in September and have had little or no contact. We decided he needed to figure his life out. We did not end badly and I do not hate him or even dislike him. He is an adult/I am an adult and we both made the decisions we made.

I like this board because it is a good reality check for me when I start to feel sorry for myself. I do not care for finger pointing or blaming another for actions I have taken. I honestly do not understand how the dynamics of my relationship with MM are different from those I had with single men. What I mean by that is I have thought long and hard on relationships that I have had and I do not see that I acted any differently then I would have in a relationship with a single guy. There seems to be a lot of posts here where people were almost in a trance/fog. Maybe because I was single and because he lived alone (in another state) that we didn't have to sneak or steal moments or do typical A behavior (even though it was in A).

At any rate I do agree with the term "cake eater" and I do believe people should be perfectly honest in their relationships. I also question how much you can ever trust someone who steps out of their relationship (for ANY reason) rather then dealing with the problem. I guess that is why I come here ..to read and learn from others and to hopefully gain insight. Thanks for reading!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 12:24am

Hi All



Yes, Still here, still hanging in there.. still by a thread.



Basically MW had intense 15month affair with MM, usual highs and lows, passion and declarations of 'love'. major Dday on his side, resulted in complete cessation of all communication both sides.



I havent posted much this last week, as i do not feel in the right frame of mind to be helpful and constructive to others...however i am reading and reading. I have written xAP a letter, a long letter. I have not sent it. It was cathartic to write. If i send it, the last thing i want to appear is needy, clingy or a victim, this is what is stopping me for now.



NC :(



New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 12:54am

Hi everyone



I am secretlife34. I ended my

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 1:09am
Joined EAS in the summer of 2006 while trying to end a 2 yr A.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 7:36am

Hi all



Im Iggy. Married to a lovely man who adores me. We have had some issues, I started an A 18 mths ago with a MM.



After a hot and heady start, we declared love, said we were soul mates, best friends, said we will be together long term, that we would let our kids grow and then be together.

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 11:20am

I'm tynkerbell. Not sure why I chose that name, maybe I was hoping for something to magically take away the pain I was feeling when I signed up on EAS.



I don't often come here anymore. My EA ended two years ago this month. I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe how much of my life I wasted on crying and thinking about him after it ended. I can only shudder at that thought.

Tynk


no contact means feeling free, not feeling guilty and looking in the mirror and finally, finally&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 6:08pm

I want to thank every one who has chimed in on this thread. It was nice to hear form some of our oldtimers. I know there are more of your out there so I'm going to bump it up every few days. It would be nice if a few more newbies would

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 10:42pm

Hi, I'm Dee and I'm an x a-haver. (hiii, Dee!)

I'm a MW with kids, who had am 18mo-long A with a MM with kid. My ending was mutual with no animosity. The A was d-day free and we agreed to end the A, which was very intense, as friends. I initiated NC, after we decided being non-A-having 'friends' was a joke. I fished, he rebuffed. I mourned the A and xAP like crazy for several months - like, really-really bad... but a round of antidepressants helped. I am now 10 months out. I am not yet indifferent and I have to stay on my toes all the time. My weakness is cyber stalking, which I am continually battling. My M is improving now that I am re-engaged, but I am generally (still) very lonely and unfulfilled emotionally and sexually. Still, I am 100% better off now in my RL than I ever was at any time in my A. I am a huge proponent of NC all the way, and the solid advice and accountability dispensed on EAS saved my life and soul. I am very grateful to be out of my A and for the help I've received here to address the defects in character and internal issues that led me to the the A in the first place.

Shout out to the class of 11/09!

Best to you all,
Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 12:21am

Hello All,

I am a MW who had an A with a SM for nearly four years.

At first it was just going to be sex, or rather FWB, but it didn't take long before I became engulfed in the FOG and before I knew it, I was living a double life. Wife and mother in one life, doting girlfriend and sex goddess in the other. I believed that I was in love, and I believed that he loved me too.

He got a job opportunity in Nov 2009 that would take him far away. I encouraged him to take it, he needed a change in his life and I was really feeling the strain of the double life. He didn't really want to go, was afraid of the change (big baby), but he did it. He called me up crying for the first two days telling me that he would stick it out there for six months and then he'd come back home and we'd find a way to be together. That he loved me, and that he would never leave me again.

Three months later I discovered (via FB) that he was seeing someone else. Someone much younger, someone who was single like him. I never confronted him. I waited a couple of weeks for him to tell me. He never did. I ended it via a two sentence email. He never responded to it. Complete, clean break, NC at all. That was April 2010. Three months later, in July, just as I was starting to really come out of the fog, he married her. I found out by accident, through a mutual friend on FB.

It was like starting all over at day one.

I've come a long way since then. I re-devoted myself to my H and to my kids. My marriage is still not great. But the fog of the A has lifted, and I realize now that my whole A was nothing but a fantasy that I drug out and wouldn't let go of.

I haven't been posting much, but I've stopped by to read from time to time. I'm over 5 months in to my journey, but I know I still have a ways to go. I still think about him sometimes.

-Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:30am

I