Roll Call and Updates
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Roll Call and Updates
| Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:14am |
Dear Enders,
It's been a while since there has been a thread on whose who and what's what. ;-) I thought it was time to reintroduce ourselves and let the other posters know a little more about you. I'll go first:
I started posting here on EAS in 2004 shortly after I had officially ended my A for the 3rd and last time. I had started out on the Allsides Board and slowly worked my way over here, once I had acquired the knowledge, strength, and desire to want to help other OWs

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I'm a little late responding.
Hi Iddy:
First, let me thank you and everyone else that posts here for the understanding and support
Hello All,
I am a MW with 3 kids. Married to a wonderful man for 20 years. My user name is misleading
((Gal_Freedom))
Thank you for posting in and letting us know you are one of our newbies, but not so much I suppose, being that you are now 4 weeks NC. How great is that? It was so good to read that you have been lurking here and not only absorbing our advice, but implementing it.
<
~Iddy~
IDDY: (Tapping her clipboard with her pencil)Foggy?...Foggy?..FOGGY!?
Foggy: (stepping from the shadows and raising his hand) HERE!
As my tittle states I am a MM (please keep the booing and hissing to a minimum :), no kids, who had a 10 month long distance A with a MW with 3 kids. Little over 2 months out now, and the initial searing pain and agony has worn off, but the fog and obsessive thoughts are still at a higher level than they should be. I am "lucky" in the sense that this was the first (and only) ending between xAP and myself. I quickly learned the importance and necessity of NC by reading here. So although it has been extremely hard at times, often a daily struggle, I have pride in myself for never breaking NC. This endeavor has been pushed forward at times by stories of despicable actions by other xAPs, and I know that I really did care too much for my xAP to ever treat her in such a disrespectful way (I know that sleeping with another mans W was disrespectful enough). As a MM in a mostly female arena I also have the advantage (or disadvantage at times) of at times getting a 'peak' into the mind of xAP through statements made by other enders. I realize my involvement in the neglect of her kids, I understand that no matter how many times she said she loved me...cold turkey was necessary to save HER life! At times when I feel like a piece of easily disposed garbage to her, I read the pain and struggle that one of you is going through and know that I treated her well enough to mean something. And well...then there are times when I just feel like another Retard in a tin hat!
But I am still here, reading every post every day, but rarely have much to chime in, especially for the last 3 weeks as the realization of the full consequences of the ugliness of an A have come crashing down around me. In the early days it seemed that every time I was about to post, another ender would capture my feelings(much better than I could) and so I would just read every response to them and apply it to my own condition. The tweeners and vets have so much wisdom to pass on that I just put my head down and tried to learn as much as I could. I am working hard to get back my fun, easy going, lovable spirit back that was shoved to the very breaking point by this whole ordeal. At times it shins through in my responses of support for a fellow ender going through harder times. I am a strong believer in the transfer of energy, and when I am feeling good I will always do my best to pass it on, and often have thoughts of my fellow EAS sisters and brother in my heart, hoping that the waves are calming.
I am everyday grateful for finding the strength, knowledge and support contained within these hollowed cyber walls. I listen to the vets and take solace in their stories of indifference (Thanks Victory again for your time and effort in posting today). I know xAP will never leave my spirit, but one day she will vacate my head. So to all you newbies who I have been to self-absorbed to welcome and say 'im sorry you are here' to, I was where you were just 2 months ago, and as much as I never even thought I would get to where I am today (or hell even get out of bed again ;), I kept going because I had wise, courageous people assuring me it will get better, and it did...and it will!
So I tip my hat to our fearless leader in the yellow cap! Thank you for your caring and compassion, and for posting a thread that forced me back from the shadows. Its good to be 'Home'. :)
Oh, and Dee I am so glad you are back....you are not allowed to go anywhere! (I was gonna cheat and just copy your answer, cause you are always so spot on, but saw Iddy holding a ruler and wanted to protect my wrists).
And lastly...NCx! Time to turn that frown upside down...we love you and will miss you while on holidays!
Wishing you all happiness and healing.
Peace&Light
Foggy
Hey gang,
I was in an 18 month affair with a colleague/classmate/co-researcher. We were both married at the time with children. We spent tremendous amounts of time together: alone & daily. The 'benefits' of sharing an office for 2. Anyway, I disclosed the affair within days of it starting to my H. He was devastated, but willing to try and figure things out. To make a long story short, we never ended the affair, and although my husband never asked me to end it, decided he could not deal with the 'crazy' that had become our life, and moved into a nearby home a little over a year ago.
I initiated NC for the first time in Dec.09 after having found EAS. I failed and went back for more within days. My xAP continually fished, coming to my home, calling me repeatedly etc ... I tried again in Jan. and got a few more days under my belt. Then he started with suicidal messages. I caved again. This time he told me he wasn't going to stay in his marriage if it meant he couldn't be with me, and had a planned Dday. I spoke with his W after he told her the 'news'. It was awful. After looking for new places to live, he started to get cold-feet ... I then made the decision that the madness needed to end, and went LC (still working together) for the final time. I took drastic steps at this point to make this ending count. I was DONE. I eventually left work because I couldn't handle his continued OVERT advances after all of this had taken place. He wanted to start the affair back-up, and had told his wife and their marriage counselor that he wasn't go to stop seeing me. I had already been down that destructive path with my H & children, and finally could care enough about others to NOT put his W & children through the same h*ll.
So - that's my story in a nutshell. I am now 5 months out and continuing in therapy. I have a fabulous relationship with my husband, and our children are thriving thanks to a very healthy co-parenting style. I credit that to my H who continues to fully love & support me even though I flipped our world upside down. He is in counseling too, and I believe that is so important to healing the hurts I caused in a safe environment away from the children.
My best,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Hi...I'm Clarity and a Vet here, although these days I'm in and out.
My
Affair with a college boyfriend - 4 yrs.+ with breakup off and on lasting months and months. Finally had enough when I realized it was going nowhere fast. All the love you's, soul mate declarations, can't live without you crap spewed from both our lips.
Hanging around EAS here and there. I still harbor anger directed towards xAP but I know it really is anger with myself because I got in the mess to start with and I allowed him to manipulate me and use me for his own personal gain.
EAS was my lifesaver. I owe so much to this board.
"One my biggest lessons I take with me is that I will never ever take anyone's b/s again in order to make them stay...I am no longer afraid to upset the applecart. Ask MH (that's My Honey...not my husband)...he'll tell you. And guess what, he loves it that way. He respects that I will call him to the mat over crappy behavior, and he actually gets a kick out of getting me all fired up. Even if I'm wrong, at least I will go down fighting...lol"
So true Clarity. This was one of my greatest lessons too. After I became so skilled at becoming invisible and a "shape shifter" (able to become what xAP needed me to be in an instant), I had a very challenging time re-discovering myself again and setting appropriate boundaries. I think this can be particularly true for those of us who have had Ddays - we have to learn that it is totally acceptable and necessary to set emotional and physical boundaries with our spouses/partners in RL even though we have hurt them. Our horrible mistakes do not mean that we have to be a door mate to appease the hurt of our partners. I wasn't going to go from being a shape shifter for xAP into a shape shifter for my H.
Having the affair was an important catalyst for change in my life. I regret the immense pain I caused everyone in my life, but I am not defined by my affair and my whole life has been about putting the needs of others first. Having the affair was a symptom of my issues, not the original cause. Some people turn to alcohol, drugs, work, porn, I turned to the first available person who was just as willing and just as damaged.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
SORRY!!! A little late showing up for Roll Call.
I read everyday, but I am directing my activities to keep me busy and out of trouble.
I am a MM, M to a serial cheater for more years than most of you have been alive. I am just short of being too old for an A.
X-AP was a part-time employee, who was young enough to be my daughter, and probably has emotional problems dealing with her father. Perfect Storm?
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
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