Roll Call and Updates

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Roll Call and Updates
35
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:14am

Dear Enders,



It's been a while since there has been a thread on whose who and what's what. ;-) I thought it was time to reintroduce ourselves and let the other posters know a little more about you. I'll go first:



I started posting here on EAS in 2004 shortly after I had officially ended my A for the 3rd and last time. I had started out on the Allsides Board and slowly worked my way over here, once I had acquired the knowledge, strength, and desire to want to help other OWs

   ~Iddy~ 


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 6:03pm

Phew ...made it!



One newbie still swimming! Well, ok ...maybe not exactly swimming but I haven't drowned yet so ..... !!



I'm a MW and I ended my 5 year EA with a MM on the 16 September 2010 and haven't had time or a safe opportunity to post since!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 11:26pm

Me too bird! Reading on my phone because my husband has been using my iPad at night. I terrified that I may slip up and forget to erase my history so its best to lay low. Reading is easy but posting is rough.

My 4 yr. A ended Sept. 14 after many discussions and attempts to make it work. Ap was struggling with guilt and marriage issues and I kept trying hang in there for him. Neither of us wanted to end it but since we were both were total cake eaters with no real future plans I couldn't see hanging on any more. He begged me to wait till he figured stuff out. But it was just time. Everything good was behind us. I was unhappy, he was in such turmoil and my presence just made things worse. I don't blame him specifically, I didnt think he was trying to hurt me but it seemed like I was always feeling hurt. Always anxious. I felt like I was getting all the bad stuff and never the good. I became a different person.

Anyway, Im here and reading. I have great days and lousy ones, like today. It hasn't been that long NC, not even two weeks. Today tears are right there again after a week of none. Just knowing he's at home, I catch myself wondering what's going on over there. There are triggers everywhere! Blech!! I know what I need to do... Doing it is a whole different story. I have no desire to break NC. It's my gift to him. But I'm waffling over to hearing from him. I'm terrified that he will contact me and I'm terrified that he won't!!! How sick is that?

Chechi






Edited 9/26/2010 11:35 pm ET by chechi2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:39am

Thank you, Iddy, for starting another roll-call. It is such a great way to get the lay of the land around here. With so many new faces and intermittent posts from lurkers, it's hard to keep track of who's who.

I am Lillie. I am a 49 year old midwestern MW who was involved in a long-distance A with a MM for a little over two years. We met on a website for married people looking for affair partners. I am married almost 30 years with four children. I found EAS after I'd been in my A for a little over a year---then caved and went back to the madness and crazy-making hell for another eight months or so before ending it for real and good on February 14th, 2010.

My xap was/is a serial cheater who was very unhappy that I ended the A. He would be eating his cake still if I hadn't called him out and spoiled all his fun. The breaking point for me was after the incessant clap-trap about how I was the most amazing and wonderful woman in the world, the ONLY woman he wanted or needed, the LOVE of his life, the missing piece in his soul, blah blah, blah----i accidentally discovered that he was cultivating on-line relationships with lots of other women. you could have knocked me over with a feather. i really and truly believed EVERYTHING that he'd ever told me and took it all at face value. i had a thing or two to learn about human behavior--both mine and others, and boy, have i gotten a crash course over the past two years!

I've been in therapy for about a year and half, which is helping me to gain insight into my choices and behavior. the men and women of EAS have helped me enormously with their wise, compassionate, kick-@$$ support. the beautiful, beautiful thing about this place is that if one slips up a little and starts to slide and wax all romantic-fantastic, somebody here WILL haul you up short and call you out on your bullsh!t. and more beautiful than that is that it is always done with truest compassion and concern. the vets and tweeners here want SO MUCH for you all to heal and treat yourselves with the respect and dignity that you are worthy of. they want all that goodness for you when sometimes you don't yet want it for yourself. this place is amazing. i seldom post, but i read every day. EAS addiction has replaced my A addiction, and i am thankful for it every day. oh, and i am also available by email for anyone who needs to reach out during the upcoming EAS hiatus.
lilliealma@yahoo.com

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 10:38am

Hi, all

I´ve been wanting to post on this thread for days, but never found the time or energy. I'm a lurker, who posted a little last May, and I wanted to give an update.

About me: I'm married with two small kids. I met xAP online and we had a very short EA (two weeks) and a even shorter PA (a couple of hours). So, if you consider half the time of the R, I should have gotten over him in August 2009. Yet, here I am.

I found EAS in April and have been reading since then. The posters here have helped me immensely, but it's sometimes very difficult as well. Sometimes I just wish to change subject, turn the page and do something else. But then, something happens and I see that I'm not over the A yet, that the underlying issues are still there and as long as I don't address them, I will be in danger of repeating my mistakes.

I saw xAP early this month. I was in the car with my family and he crossed the street. I was speaking to my husband and got distracted for a moment but checked myself in time. Seeing him set me back a little, but I could refrain from cyberstalking, which hindered my healing for so long (I stopped in January).

I've been keeping busy, trying to make new friends, taking care of myself as well as the kids. I just don't feel my marriage is changing much. My H knows nothing of the A, maybe has his suspicions, but keep it to himself. Recently I had a dream about a co-worker of mine, that alarmed me. In the dream I touched his face and he smiled and that was it, but I know better than to ignore this. I know I have to take precautions or I could end up in an A with another MM (yikes!).

I also know I have to address the issues in my M or else. It's just too much right now, I don't know where to start.

Yesterday was a bad day. My H started yet another project that will keep him away from me and I've been down for a couple of days. I almost typed the address of xAP's blog, then came here instead and soon got away from the computer and watched a film. It helped, I didn't break NC, but it was close. I would never ever let him know I was reading, I know I wouldn't feel better by reading how his life is peachy. No, I just wanted to numb the pain with more pain. Or distract the pain with another. It doesn't make sense, I know.

I'm running out of time now, have to go. Thanks for reading.

Pages