Roll call time...who's with me?? :)

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Roll call time...who's with me?? :)
21
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:11pm

Hi Everyone,

There have been some new posters on the board this past week, and since it has been about a week since our last roll call that Luvin started,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:50pm

Hearts, so glad you are the new CL!!

Are you M or S?

M for 7 years

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this)

33yo

Length of your A?

First A was 4 months of PA, immediate second A was 3 months. And I just ended a 9 month EA-type relationship that overlapped with PA#2. However, A#1 is the one that really brought me here, and that I still struggle with. The other stuff was rebound/band-aid

Has there been a D-Day?

H knows about A#1, I told him when 'friends' found out, and I thought any news should come from me first. He doesn't know everything, and I fear it was really only a partial D-Day and there would be a major setback in our progress if he really knew what went on... I attribute our recovery to the limited knowledge of what he believes went on ...

How did you find EAS?

Searching for affair support this past fall, I initially discovered AAS and then found myself here too as I have struggled to END for GOOD!

Official NC date?

A#1 - I am calling it 2/27/12 which was 9 months post-ending, but was the last time I fished for him via email (no reply though). I am trying to get to a genuine 3 months of NOTHING!

#2 NC began around 9/25/11 and EA just ended on Friday, I think.. 4/13/12?

and for the introspective question...
What fears drive your actions?

Fear of my own reality, my own insecurities, and fear of feeling invalidated by the blessings I do have in my life. Fear of true intimacy as diagnosed by my T.

AND fear of additional D-days of A#1 details as well as of the other As.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 1:24pm
Hi Hearts,

Married 15 years, had a 2 year mostly EA with a MM I had been good friends with for 10 years prior to the A.
No D-day. I ended the A in May of 2011, went NC in late June when I found EAS. Was NC for almost 4 months but did not resist xAP's fishing attempt to be friends again at that point and so tortured myself for another 3 months of being "friends". Which basically consisted of all the cr*ppy parts.of the A and none of the feel-goods!

Have been NC again, my doing, for 3.5 months.

The standard fears about not being good enough apply! I also think I was afraid of losing xAP (a huge supporter of my career) as a friend/cheerleader.

What I am afraid of now is how often he still invades my thoughts. Of not being attracted to my H again. Working on that one.

What I am sure of is that I will never turn to an A again for validation. It's definitely not worth all the guilt and shame.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 1:46pm
Married or single- married 9 years
No d-day
I found eas by Googling affair support.
NC day is 4-13-12, just 4 very long days!
Fears - fear of loneliness, not being good enough, living in a passionless marriage, not being able to create my own happiness, I feel I need outside validation to thrive ...ah, the list is just too damn long...

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 2:13pm

Are you M or S?

Married for 11 years.

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this)

32

Length of your A?

Around 3 years off and on.

Has there been a D-Day?

Yes, we both had a D-Day.

How did you find EAS?

A random google search led me here.

Official NC date?

March 27th, 2012

and for the introspective question...
What fears drive your actions?

During the affair my fear of being alone, my insecurities and of course the good ol' need for constant validation fueled it.

Now that I have decided to end it these fears seem a lot more valid. The fear of hurting my husband again. The fear of missing yet another memory with my child who is growing up entirely to fast for my liking as it is. The fear of not being me. This needy, clingy, addict is not who I am and it is not who I want to be. I want to be someone I can love and who is worthy of respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 2:21pm

Are you M or S?

Married for 10 years

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this)

Early 30's

Length of your A?

It lasted 3 years, might have been able to cut it shorter if we didn't work together. The tempation was always too much, until i reached rock bottom

Has there been a D-Day?

No there hasn't, but still worry daily on how well I covered my tracks, or whether he gets disgruntled and decides to tell all - I will never be able to shake this feeling. But thanking my luck stars I haven't had a D-day yet.


How did you find EAS?

Searched the net looking for a way of dealing with the pain.


Official NC date?

7th January 2012



and for the introspective question...
What fears drive your actions?

My "descreet" need to be adored by men, weirds me out at the best of times. Don't really know what drives it, it but it started after I had my first child - I guess I still needed to know I was still, pretty, slim and interesting, not just a mother. My boundaries with men have been terrible. I have never been good at saying no to men, and it seem to have gotten me into one mess after another. When I do manage to say no, its normally too late, and I'm in the deep end with a man I don't want. The tables were turned with my xAP, I pushed the boundaried, but it was me who ended up in the deep with him not really interested in anything more than a BJ

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 3:29pm

The first day of the rest of my life: 25/10/2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 3:44pm

Are you M or S? Single. Divorced for 6 years after a 20 year marriage

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this) 51

Length of your A? Two and a half years

Has there been a D-Day? No

How did you find EAS? I found EAS over 6 years ago when my first A with a MM ended. There won't be another one!!

Official NC date? Oct 18, 2011....tomorrow I will become a SUPERTWEENER!!

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 5:00pm

Are you M or S? Married - over a decade

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this) mid/late-30s

Length of your A? 1 yr

Has there been a D-Day? No

How did you find EAS? surfing ivillage for anything that might be helpful a week after NC started

Official NC date? June 15, 2011

and for the introspective question...
What fears drive your actions?

I'm too brain dead at this point in the day to answer that question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 6:01pm

Okay. I posted a while ago..but was having several glitches within myself with nc..so hung at aas site...(and lurked, lurked, lurked here) until I could pull myself together a little bit more. I didn't want to post here until I had been at least 2 weeks nc. I am now 2 weeks and 1 day:)

Are you M or S?

M for 21 years. 22 this summer.

What is your age? (if you are comfortable sharing this)

42 years old.

Length of your A?

6 months (friends for 3 years prior)

Has there been a D-Day?

yes and no. H and I have discussed it as openly as he can handle. He still clings to the idea that it was more EA than EA/PA. He has made it clear he doesn't want to know more than that. I'm respecting his wishes.

How did you find EAS?

I stumbled on it from MAS

Official NC date?

04/02/2012

and for the introspective question...
What fears drive your actions?

it has taken some T and deep soul searching to figure this out. I believe

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 6:49pm
I am 46, as of last Friday, and married for 20 years. I had a 2 year A. Very public d-day for both of us, believe me, everyone knows everything. XAP is now separated. I have been separated for the last 6 months, but H has moved back in. It is not going well at all. :(. My NC date is 2/4/2012. I have been in T for a very long time. In January I found a T and have been doing a very intense grief/loss program. It is hard work. I am still learning about all my fears and am starting to review each loss with my T to do some unfinished grief work I have with many events throughout my life. Daisy

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