The rollercoaster ride
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The rollercoaster ride
| Fri, 10-15-2010 - 6:34pm |
Just want to say it hasnt stopped and I want to really really get off it.
| Fri, 10-15-2010 - 6:34pm |
Just want to say it hasnt stopped and I want to really really get off it.
NL -
What you are feeling is completely normal. Remember that the coaster does go up again. Sometimes it helps to visualize that. Tell yourself that you are at the bottom and now you feel the cart do that cool "lurch" thing. You can hear the clanking of the chains as you start the ascent. Make a list of all the positive things that will happen in your life now.
I remember at the beginning my thoughts and emotions going a hundred miles an hour through my head. I couldn't process a single thought. I helped me a lot to say out loud "Stop". Then I would tell myself to pick ONE thought and just focus on it. Or give yourself permission to be sad later. For now, decide that you have had enough sadness for today. Wash your face, have a cup of tea - give yourself a break. You worked hard today. You did stand up for yourself and I'm proud of you for that. It WILL get better. There is not a single vet on this board that will tell you that their life was much better during their affair!
I'm holding your hand :)
Bodhi
((NL4M))
It's a rough ride out of an A, no doubt about it, but just how smooth was it being in it? It's all about perspective, and this doesn't kick into gear until we are "out" for a while. The thing is, you have to put the time into being "Out of it" in order to find this out for yourself. You cannot compare the worse of two evils until you have experienced them both, KWIM? Your journey has just begun...therefore the terrain is unknown and scary. But like anything in life that is worthy, you have to make an effort.
The feelings that you didn't matter are a common theme in an A ending. Ironically, when we go NC, just how are you supposed to know if you did or didn't? The only logical way to deal with this is to assume that "Yes you did" but once the umbrella of an A is removed, being exposed to the harsh rays of reality cause us to feel insecure and vulnerable again. What's important to remember is that it was our insecurities and vulnerabilities that got us into this mess in the first place. Had we been in a more healthier, emotional place, we would have never accepted having an A as being a solution to our problems, our loneliness, our battered self esteem, etc. Affairs magnify the exact same things we were trying to minimize about ourselves. We find that we become more confused, more lonely, more insecure, etc. the longer we hold the A umbrella over our heads. An A does not resolve the problems that pre-existed before the AP came along. What they do is allow us to bury our heads into the sand even deeper.
Those highs and lows will continue for a while, but they will eventually even out. You just have to have some faith now that what we say on this board "works." Hundreds of gals have come here before you and successfully made it out of the A vortex. I know that telling you this doesn't ease the pain you are feeling right now, but in time (if you stick to NC), you will know of what I speak.
Now is the time to start working on yourself, which means all of your focus needs to be on you and your healing. XAP is now out of the equation. Remember: NC = No New Hurts and this is the only equation you need.
(((Hugs)))
Thank you for being so consistently here for us. I believe with all my heart that it is the boundaries and consistent advice that helps us each crawl out of our affair and into doing the work that can allow us to see the amazingness that is our post-A lives.
Thanks you everyone.
Affairs magnify the exact same things we were trying to minimize about ourselves.
ISNT THAT THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!! It's like putting a magnifying glass and spotlight on our TRUE BELIEFS about ourselves. The things we'd NEVER admit from our mouths - yet our ACTIONS scream "NOT GOOD ENOUGH". Otherwise we wouldnt DRAW IT INTO OUR LIVES.
Its NOW time to REALLY magnify the ME that's worthy enough.