Rose colored glasses are so shattered!! :)

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Rose colored glasses are so shattered!! :)
8
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 11:18pm
And let me tell you, it is such a GOOD feeling. I had a pretty good day overall, though knowing that this is one of the days I have a high chance of running into xAP, I kinda had a higher level of stress and anxiety. I taught my lessons, and was in the hallway of the studios talking to another teacher friend and who should walk out of his studio but the clown himself. With a bag of candy. My first thought was..."what a strange person." not, "oh, I want him", or "oh, I just want to kiss him again." then he walked towards my friend and I and offered this candy - I refused it and then remember thinking as I caught a wiff of him "he really reeks of B.O." yeah. He SMELLS bad. Lol. And he was never my friend. He was cruel, said awful things to me about H (I should never have complained about the things that H did that irritated me) and he even called my kids "rugrats". What. a. JERK. Then - he just starts blabbing to me about his mom and her surgery (we were still in the hallway) and I just turned and walked away...WTF do I care anymore? Sorry, buddy. I started talking to someone else and then left the building, he rushed out right after me and said "goodnight" while giving me the PEACE sign!!! WTF??? Oh, and then, as I am driving down the road, I notice his car is right behind me. It was behind me until I made a left turn, then he got in the left hand lane of the left turning lanes and passed me, making sure that he thought I would notice. HA! I just kept looking forward and sang loudly to that song by Sara Berelis (sp?) King of Everything!! So....I had a revelation tonight. Instead of pulling over and screaming and crying my eyes out, I felt STRONG, happy and FREE!!!!!! He is JAM, a smelly, disgusting clown who, as I think about my dear H, can't even come CLOSE to H's amazing personality qualities - not to mention that his male physique is lacking in many, many ways (if you follow me there - wink, wink!) And I wasted my time for THAT?? Ugh. Water under the bridge. I'm not staying in that slimy pool. I'm going to bed. I have an early morning, but I just had to relate my success story to you all! I'm still a newbie, and the hurts still exist and the pain is a mother f**ker, but I know one thing - I am staying NC for the long haul! Oh, and guess what?? I am going to quit teaching at the studio by Dec. 31st - I am only going to teach in my home or the student's home! :) My NEW YEAR resolution!! No more seeing xAP at all!!! Ever again! :) Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 11:38pm

ooooooohhhhhhmmmmmmmmyyyygoooooddddeeeesss!!!

Phew woman, I was standing up on my bed cheering for you!!! What a strong and empowering sounding post. LOOK AT YOU GO! Look at how you've come into your personal power in just a matter of DAYS! Isn't it the BEST feeling?!?!? Remember it, journal - right everything that comes to mind so that you never ever forget again what this moment feels like. These are the moments that will sustain you ... and then the moments turn into hours into days into weeks. I can't tell you how impressed I am and how proud we all are of you. YOU'VE DONE AN AMAZING THING and you've shown the other newbies how to do it. Now ... sure you can polish up your act a bit - you know walk away as he walks towards. like right away. But hey, you've made an even bolder and braver move and are leaving him truly in your dust! I did the same thing - finally. Left a position to get away from him. My healing picked up soooooo much once I knew I wouldn't need to smell his triggering B.O again!

(((hugs))

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 12:11am

Heartsofsix!

This is excellant, I am so happy for you and what a positive feeling you have generated in your post. You should be very proud of yourself to have such a breakthrough on your view of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 1:02am

WhooHoo - the fog has lifted and the sun is shining. You go girl !!!

Now the tough part is staying strong. Focus on you and your life. To heck with him - right?

Very happy to read your post

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 1:02am

YAY YOU!!!!!

GREAT JOB! GREAT ATTITUDE! GREAT PERSPECTIVE! GREAT COMMITTMENT! GREAT THINKING!!!!

wow!

I am on my knees, worshipping you.....You SOUND sooo RESOLUTE !!!!!

See, 40 really IS the new 20!!!!

You

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 11:26am

Hof6!!!!

I'm so happy for you!!! Yay!!!!

What a great progress in such a short time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:06am
Hearts, isn't it such a fantastic moment when you truly recognize he is JAM and nothing more--not a knight in shining armour and not the solution to all our problems. He's just a man. I'm so happy for your little breakthru.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 7:41pm

Heartsofsix Wow! You go girl!! I too had a run in with my "JAM" and isn't it great when we walk away?

I just love it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:54pm

Heartofsix-

So so happy for you! Not just for walking away but so so happy you dont care!!! Thrilled for you.

Hope it continues and you thrive!