ROUGH AFTERNOON

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
ROUGH AFTERNOON
1
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 3:10pm
Going to sound like a complete *RANT* and maybe it is. I am feeling weak at the moment. I want to call him so bad, I want to know he is not happy ( I really dont want that I want him to be happy)and I want to be mad,I almost wish he would have been a jerk and hateful so I could hate him, it would make it so much easier.I feel stupid even stressing about it because I know this is not my nature I have always kept my emotions in check an I feel like I am in this self pity insecurity thing an it makes me nuts I just want to look in a mirror an yell SNAP OUT OF IT !!!!!! GET A GRIP !!!! its not like I was married to this man for the last 20 years..HOw can some one effect me so greatly in a short amout of time? I regret it we should have never crossed the line..I think its worse that we wont be able to be social friends again like before. I keep asking why we went there? I always said never get romantically invovled with a friend it ruins it..yet we all want to marry the person who is our best friend an soul mate.. Guess the clencher was make sure your soulmate is NOT MARRIED..I know if I call him I will regret it..so IM NOT doing it..If this were a carnival ride I'd want off.. But since its life I guess I dont have that option..Just to go on.. Thank God I have to be back at work tommorow I have cleaned an ran every errand I could think of an dragged my friends all over town..If it wasnt a requirement for work Id have chunked my cell phone in a lake to get rid of temptation ..OK I am done venting for now...

KRM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
In reply to: krm_one
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:04pm
"I almost wish he would have been a jerk and hateful so I could hate him"

Dear Krm,

Take it from someone who has been through this, you do NOT want that to happen. I once thought as you do and when it actually happened I felt as if he ripped my heart out, stomped on it and then spat on it. He cut me out of his life lickidy split (after 6 yrs.) in a very nasty way and do you want to know WHY? Because I already had a heavy class load and I took on a part time job. I wasn't going to be as available to him as in the past so it wasn't worth his while.

When someone treats you in a treacherous way it doesn't make it any easier to end it, in fact it makes it worse. You not only have the pain of ending the A but now you are suffering from being treated so badly. I do hate him for it, yes. But I also loved him for a very long time and in some ways I still do. It's been 2.5 months and I am very much looking forward to not hating him and not loving him anymore.

Hang in there hon, all the things you are feeling are completely NORMAL. Expect that it will take time, allow that time to happen. DON'T call him, it will only set you back days, weeks or maybe even years. We are here for you.