Rough Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Rough Day
5
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 11:25pm
Just a long day.

Thought about him constantly. Have not talked to him since last Thursday. I am not doing a "NC", just don't have any more to say. What else is left to say? He has called and emailed me. Everything reminds me of him, and I don't know how to cope with the sadness and broken hearted feeling day after day. I usually just take it an HOUR at a time, but when I get tired things wear on me. I drove by his house tonight - he lives a long way from me, but I was in the area. He was home, lights were out. So what? I must be nuts to do something like that.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
In reply to: iv_island_girl
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:24am
You know what Island Girl? What you're going thru is so normal! I remember those days all too well! I have taken some hard hits the last 5 years and each time I have managed to find my way back! My XOM was the last hard hit I intend to take! He almost undid me completely! Then one day when I woke up in the morning I realized he had actually given me many gifts! Spiritual gifts! He was a cheap one for sure! Do I still miss him? Yes! I always will. It no longer consumes me though! I have too much to be grateful for and the thing I'm the most grateful for is that I didn't leave my family to be with him! It would have been the straw that eventually broke this camels back. I knew it all along but, still had such high hopes and dreams.

One minute, one hour, one day at a time, whatever it takes to get you there is what I hope and dream for you! I will hold you in my heart and send you all powerful vibes to get you thru each moment! Just as I do every other person here!

We each walked into these situations for a reason. We are each walking away for an equally important reason! Keep your eye on the ball and hit a home run! I have absolutely no doubt that you can and so can everyone else here! So, what's stopping you Babe Ruth? BATTER UP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iv_island_girl
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 8:14am
Island Girl...

I think we've all had long, hard days like that... I'm so sorry that you are going through this... Sometimes all we can do is what you said - take it hour by hour...

Can I ask - are you in therapy? This board is wonderful, but my therapist has made a huge difference in my life and helped me so much... just something to think about if you aren't already there...

HUGS

Glinda

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iv_island_girl
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 9:14am
Okay I've got lots to say to you. #1) I know you are married and it is important for you to understand that your marriage has to be dealt with first BEFORE you can do anything else with someone new and have it be a healthy relationship. #2) I completely agree that therapy would be a good choice for you because it will help you with this obsessive behavior and to get your thoughts back on track.

What I believe happens in a lot of the cases where married women have affairs is that once they come here and realize the road they have ahead of them, it is too much to cope with...because it requires letting go of someone who makes you feel good and facing a marriage that doesn't. It is a double edged sword. I also believe that once a person is on this board long enough, they begin (like I did) to get an education about their affair and the person they have gotten involved with and the truth smacks them in the face. Then, while in denial, even though the change is beginning to take place, they fight no contact because even if it is painful to stay attached, it is still feeling something. It is a way of holding onto the emotional side of the relationship even if it is unhealthy. So until you decide that you don't want to hold onto an unhealthy relationship and get out of your pain, it will continue. You have to determine that your life is important enough to deal effectively with your marriage no matter what it takes and either get the relationship right or get out. You see, as I said yesterday, it is about getting REAL with YOURSELF. You are not stuck unless you choose to be.

You have been told by several here that it is painful and we will all be here to help you, AND that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and you will feel better. So what are you going to do with that information? I am hoping you will make up your mind that you are worth going through this because the outcome will be a much healthier and happier you.

Let us know.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: iv_island_girl
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:10pm
Thanks for the bounce back.

Today was a bit better, but still difficult.

You are right, that over the years (22) he has given me many gifts; tangible and untangible. I try not to think about them right now either.

The difference between me and many of the others I see on this board is that I never wanted to leave my family, nor did I expect him to leave his. We had a relationship that was there, and it wasn't going to be different. That probably disgusts many people, but we came to terms with it long ago, that this was as far as we were going together, and I thought that we were both OK with it.

And, he left me. I would not have ever left him. In all the years, I have never changed how I feel about him. He, is up and down all the time.

He realizes that he is making me crazy with the on again / off again behavior, so I thought he was going to stop calling. He has, but he still emails me.

I will never forget him, what we had, or how my life has changed because of him. And I know that eventually, I will learn to live with this. But for now, it is hard.

Thanks for the positive vibes - that always helps!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: iv_island_girl
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:13pm
Glinda -

Thanks for the reply.

Today was a bit better, but still has been hard. I listen to a lot of music, and feel my pain in other people's songs, so I know that many people have the same bad things happen to them.

My H and I are in counseling. We are doing much better, and this isn't even related to MM. We have our own issues. I have been in counseling for my problems with MM before (actually, for awhile we talked about going together), but I am tired of spending money to talk about him - that makes me really mad!!! It's like paying for someone to make me diet when I really know how to diet, and just have to make myself sdo it. Same thing.