Rough day - first test of a bad month
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| Sat, 03-06-2010 - 10:29pm |
Well, today was the first trigger day in a very trigger-filled month for me. Exactly 9 years ago today, my xAP and I exchanged a lot of very sexually charged emails and finally decided to meet after work. We saw each other "with new eyes" and the rest was, well, history. We shared our first kiss on this day. It's a tough one for me. I might seem nostalgic, but really, it's sadness. I wish I could go back to that day and stop myself from going down the path I chose. I wish I could tell myself to either not do it or to break up with my then-BF and let him break up with his then-GF and try a real, honest relationship so that 9 years later I wouldn't have to cope with this heavy heart and knowledge of the terrible person I let myself become.
I kept busy today. Dropped off the kids and went to lunch and a movie with my DH, but xAP was never far from my thoughts. I wonder if he's thinking of me too. I was sorta wondering if I would have any fishing attempts, but there have been none, thankfully.
Sigh. Just needed to purge so I can soldier on. 25 more days to go in this month. Several more trigger days to work through. Thanks for reading.

gal,
You've been in NC for quite awhile now (Oct 9, 2009?), which is wonderful and something to be proud of.
The operative word for skipping by those triggers is "busy"...mind and body... because the mind can't function properly if it is wandering, so make the "busy" stuff important to you.
Is he thinking of you? Probably now and then! But it doesn't matter as it doesn't mean anything, and sorry if that hurts a little. You just have to know that whether he thinks of you or not, nothing will change the fact that you're in a better place now and can't go back to NOTHING!
One day at a time is the only way! Everyday, do little things just for you, as it's too painful otherwise. Care about yourself! Spoil yourself!
Hugs,
Mish
Gal,
You're going to be okay. Sometimes we anticipate how difficult certains triggers are going to be, only to find out it's just another day in our lives. What's important now is how you spend this these trigger days. As Mich said, plan to be busy and focused on the present. You can stop your mind from "going there" if you really try.
Ironically, on my 10
~Iddy~
Gal,
The 6th is behind us now, and you did well! Good job! You got out of the house, stayed busy, and just got through it. Guess sometimes that's all we can do, right?
So, on to the next trigger, conquer, then the next...before you know it we'll be celebrating the 31st with you...pass the vino.
And you will NEVER have to go another "1st-March-out-of-the-A" again. Do something special for yourself today...
xoxo,
Misty
Hi, Gal -
I just wanted to send some love and encouragement. You're doing so well with NC and I hope you're very proud of that. Take heart, you have the skills and strength to kick March's @$$! you can do this!
Best,
Dee
Look how far you have come since October 2, 2009!!
Many thanks to all of you for your support.