Rough Spot

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Rough Spot
6
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:29pm
I had a brief affair with an old high school friend. We were close back then but had never dated. My marriage was not healthy and my H & I had not been coomunicating for awhile. Needless to say I started to lean on the OM for support. It ended up that I was going to be close to where he lived while visiting another friends relatives and went to visit him. He lives 7 hours from me. After that night I sent him an email about how nice it was to be with him. My husband ended up reading this email. I have had NC with the OM since June. My H and I are trying to rebuild. He has his issues in our marriage as do I. Today is our 13th anniversary. He says we are not celebrating it because I do not deserve to after having the A. We had been doing soooo well since the DD in July and we have been slowly rebuilding. Then to have this happen, it was just ripping the wound back open agian. I don't have a lot of people to talk too, not many people know about the A. That's the way H wants it. I have been doing everything he has asked, closing all my email accounts, getting a new cell phone, and even going NC w/ my best friend because he feels she's a bad influence. I thought today would be a celebration of our accomplishments and our rebuilding. I know I broke a trust and this is a hard road to travel. But I'm am trying soooo hard. I know this is very hard on him too and there is no magic solution. I hardly think of OM anymore, my H and I were in such a good place, or so I thought. The other day I had realized it had been over 2 weeks since I'd thought of him. But now with H not letting us celebrate our anniversary, it's just hard. Thanks for letting me vent.

Tyring to stay positive :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: broken1972
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:47pm
I'm so sorry Broken!

It must be really hard not getting to celebrate! BUT....look on the bright side - 2 weeks without thinking of the OM? Wow! I wonder if I'll ever get there! AND you are rebuilding! This is still fairly fresh it sounds! Hang in there. I hope it gets better!

This board has been such a huge help!

Be careful though - make sure he doesn't see that you've been to this board or it might make it fresh for him again and he might think you are less over the A then you really are.

Good for you for working on your marriage! It helps to hear from others who are making things better. It is so encouraging!

lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
In reply to: broken1972
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 3:13pm
I keep looking at the positive!!! All I've ever wanted from the beginning was my H back. He hurt himself at work and we went down a long dark road for the last two years. He is finally working agian and we ARE on the mend. But days like this are hard. Thanks for listening. I am absolutely postitive that there has to be light at the end end of the tunnel. We will be stronger for this. I am falling more in love with my H every day as he continues to be more like the man that I married. It makes it easy not to think of OM. The rough spots will get less as time goes by. It's only been 3 months.

Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: broken1972
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:28pm
Yikes! I'm not sure how I would feel if I were you. You know, it sounds like your H is having a little temper tantrum, and he probably is entitled to alittle bit of resentment about the A. He may be taking it a bit far in refusing to acknowledge your anniversary, but whatever. The important thing is that you're both willing to do the work to rebuild your marriage. So be patient with him today. I guess it's fair to say that he's been patient with you so far, and so much of marriage is about that. Honor his anger a little bit, it's probably part of his healing process. But I doubt his refusal to celebrate this anniversary is any reflection of his commitment to you. I think he's just trying to make a point here. Hang in there and keep working it with him. Hopefully next year there'll be roses and champagne! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: broken1972
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:33pm
broken1972


HI , Try to understand that your special days are going to be a trigger for your husband the first time they come around but the second time the will trigger him less please just be patient, his reaction has nothing to do with how much he loves you it is just all the most painfull memories can come flooding back on the B/S and make them feel very bad.

Don't let this color your efforts your going to make it if you refuse to stop working on it.

GOOD LUCK

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
In reply to: broken1972
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:36pm
Hi Broken,

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. I am just beginning this process and I see how hard it is. Honestly my 11th Anniversary is coming up and H and I are going away for the week and I have thought about this same thing happening. I just want to say that it is not you, I am sure you are doing everything you can to help rebuild your M and this is just another thing that your H has to work through. I am realizing that I can sit quiet sometimes and that even isn't good enough for H, but I caused this situation and have to grin and bear the mood swings. The trust has been broken and it will take time for your H to start trusting you again, that is one thing I have learned from reading on here. In reality I don't think that 3 months is all that long so give it some more time and as much as it hurts you can get thru this.

So far I have found great advice and support on here. It sounds like for the most part things are moving along and you said yourself you and H are on the Mend, go with that positive thought today. And I hope that I can find some positive thing to look at in my own life.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
In reply to: broken1972
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:42pm
Just an update--- 5 minutes before I left work last night a dozen long stemmed red roses were delivered. He never said the words out loud to me, but he put them on the card. This is the type of things he used to do, and it gives me such great hope. I can not thank you enough for helping me yesterday. I was so down. You all helped me look at things in a better light. I will continue to look towards the positive. I really know in my heart that we will heal and in the end (however long that takes) we'll be better and stronger. But I also know I can come here in the down times. Thanks again!!!!!!!